Target of ancestral hatred?

Does that make sense?

Back story:

My mil and her bf live on a native American reservation. My mil is of Irish and Italian descent so she fits in ok thanks to her olive skin and dark hair. Her bf is an immigrant from Mexico. They get to live there because they have loyally worked for the casino for many years and were given permission.

We rarely visit cause they live in a fifth wheel as they rebuild a manufactured home and with three kids it is really cramped in there.

Today we visited and I felt sick to my stomach. Like I wasn't wanted there. Not by my family but just a feeling of negativity, like I didn't belong. It wasn't the people even cause I only saw one person outside their home.

Like the anger of what happened over a hundred years ago was attacking me for being as I was born on such a strong spiritual lever it was making me physically sick. I didn't feel any better until we crossed the river again.

I don't want to go back but I feel bad that we don't visit my husband's mom as much as we visit my parents.

No one can tell me that there isn't more in the world than what you can see.

And I know I'm going to have a whole bunch of peole throwing fits saying that I shouldn't feel like a target as a blonde white woman cause I was "born with the opportunities of life"

I don't care what anyone thinks about race, beliefs or whatever. But I care about what I feel. And even someone as white as me can break under hatred of my skin color.

I've been treated like shit by people of all colors all my life, hell even by white women jealous of my blonde hair. But this is the first time I have felt such a deep rooted anger that had no visible source and it made me want to cry and scream my apologies for atrocities that were not my fault.

I don't understand why I and those of my skin color must pay for the sins of those who came before us.

I'm only adding this anonymously because I really don't want to be targeted more but I wanted to get this off my chest.