he did it again

I'm just so mad at myself for believing him. My husband, with whom I have a one year old daughter and am 16 weeks with his other child, relapsed yet again. When I first met him, he had been sober over a year. He relapsed about 7 months into our relationship, the hard stuff. I thought he was an alcoholic but turns out he likes other stuff. My heart has been smashed to pieces over and over again. Every time he does it he will disappear for a night, days, weeks at a time. I thought this time would be different. We separated for about 3 months and he came back and said he wanted to be sober for himself and our family. So I took him back and he landed a great job in his dream field, aviation. And we moved and finally got our own house to rent, with me staying home with our daughter. I have been so happy...until last night...we smelled gas in the house and it turned into an argument as to who would call and who to call etc...he ended up taking off with our only car while I dealt with the fire dept and EMTs. Texted and called to tell him it was all clear. No word. All night. Found him in our car in the garage at 8 am tweaking out to music and jacking off to porn. Wouldn't even roll down  the window to talk to me so I told him I'd call the cops and he left and won't so much as pick up the phone to talk to me. Fml. I'm an idiot.