friend miscarried...what do I say to them?

Question

One of my really good friends was due a month after me and I just found out she miscarried :(  What do you say to somebody who has miscarried? Idk what to say....I feel so bad. It was their first pregnancy. I was so looking forward to having our kiddos so close in age.

Answer

Just tell her how sorry you are, and check on on her regularly, even if it's just a quick text.  Also, be understanding if she has a hard time being around you for a while, she will come around eventually.

I was on the other end of this, with me and my two best friends all pregnant at the same time.  I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and they went on to have healthy babies.  I was devastated, and it's taken kind of a long time for me to be ok.  But now they have beautiful newborns and I'm 12 weeks pregnant!   And their quiet understanding and patience was so helpful.  I couldn't be there for them during their pregnancy but they respected that and understood why.  We're are all back to normal now and as have as strong a friendship as ever.

Answer

Last year I was the friend who miscarried while my best friend's pregnancy continued.  It was horrible and sad.  There are honestly few things that truly comfort, but telling her you love her and just lose of are a good place to start.  Understand that she may struggle with being around you or talking to you, and don't take that personally.  She may not be able to come to your baby shower, for example.  I know I couldn't go to my friend's shower; I would have been a wreck.

Things not to say:
-don't tell her it's all in God's plan
-don't tell her she's young and can try again
-don't tell her everything happens for a reason

These things just don't help, and always made me feel worse.

I wish you and your friend well as you navigate this new dynamic.  ❤️

Answer

Tell her how sorry you are for her loss, that you are there for her, and you love her. 
if you don't know what to say those are the best things. Anything else might seems helpful but is incredibly hurtful. I've been there so many times. I hope she comes to terms with her grief soon xx

Answer

Nothing! Take a few of her favourite snacks, drinks and films. Just sit and cuddle.

I'd have killed for this response with my best friend. Instead my friendship has been really rocky! X

Answer

Sometimes the best thing you can do is go visit her if she's up to it and not say anything at all unless she does. Make her a cuppa. Sit with her and watch a movie. Hold her hand and tell her that you don't know what to say, but you're there for her whether she wants to talk or not. Don't avoid her because you're pregnant, that will hurt her more. But also understand if she needs space because you are pregnant. Let her know you're there and let her take the lead. It's so hard. I've been on both ends.

Answer

Just bring them love. You don't have to say much of anything. Hug them and let them know you're there. Try to respect their healing time. If you have to, ask them... if its ok to talk about your pregnancy, or if it would be easier on them if you tried to avoid those convos for a little while.

Answer

I agree. Let them start the talking. We all get there when we're ready, and we're glad for friends who listen.

Answer

There are these amazing miscarriage cards on Etsy. I would definitely check them out. You can send one to her and just express your sorrow and your support. She lost a person, she's going to grieve for a long time. Knowing you're there for her will help.

Answer

The biggest thing for me was just knowing I had people I could turn to if I needed help. Just let her know you are there for her if she needs anything.

Answer

Whatever you say just avoid truisms like "time heals all wounds" or things like "you'll be able to have another baby." I would say just tell her how sad you were to hear the news and wanted to see if you could come over for a visit. Just listen to her cry and agree with her when she says things like "it's not fair" because frankly it's not. You're already a good friend for asking for advice. You'll know when you see her.

friend miscarried...what do I say to them?

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