I have been at home my entire pregnancy because we moved when I found out I was pregnant and my husband got a job 30 minutes away where he works 14 hours and so he has our one and only car literally all day. It seems like everyone in both our lives really judges me for wanting to be a stay at home mom. The thing is that I've kind of always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I am very smart and have a bachelors degree, but from pretty young, like 14 years old, I've always dreamt of being a mother, a wife, running a household, managing expenses, cooking, etc. I have always been made to feel like that was wrong and like it somehow meant I have low self esteem or I am "wasting my potential". My mother stayed at home and I remember being so grateful to have her there for me and my sister all the time- I remember feeling bad for the kids whose mothers worked and they went to after school care every day. I always looked up to her so much because she was truly amazing- she did the work of six people and kept our house running so smoothly- we always had breakfast made, our uniforms set out, she checked homework the night before, helped with school projects, cooked every night, woke everyone up, etc., etc. I just believe that I couldn't be happy as a mother unless I am the one mothering them all the time- not daycare workers and babysitters. It's not that I don't have career type aspirations- but I don't have the desire to put them before my family ever- I plan to work on a part time basis towards my goals once all of our children are in school. 

This is our first child and I guess it is getting real now- I'm 20 weeks and have started feeling baby move consistently- and I am starting to let the criticism get to me. I don't want my children to think that women HAVE to stay home or that I sold myself short or gave up too much for them. I want them to see and know that I am happy with my very important role in our family. I have always thought of this choice as being out of self assurance- I know I could have a great and important career in my field, but I am choosing to <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">nurture</a> my family instead- but I am starting to second guess myself. I want the life I am making so badly but I feel so much shame. Any other moms relate? Any advice or wisdom would be appreciated!