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You should be applauded. Studies show that marriages and children do better when one parent stays home. I think it's a tremendous sacrifice to stay home and raise your family and it's NOT EASY!! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're doing the right thing.
Stay at Home Mom Shame?
Hey guys, I'm super in my feelings today. I am looking for thoughts on this from other stay at home moms, or really any input or help!
I have been at home my entire pregnancy because we moved when I found out I was pregnant and my husband got a job 30 minutes away where he works 14 hours and so he has our one and only car literally all day. It seems like everyone in both our lives really judges me for wanting to be a stay at home mom. The thing is that I've kind of always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I am very smart and have a bachelors degree, but from pretty young, like 14 years old, I've always dreamt of being a mother, a wife, running a household, managing expenses, cooking, etc. I have always been made to feel like that was wrong and like it somehow meant I have low self esteem or I am "wasting my potential". My mother stayed at home and I remember being so grateful to have her there for me and my sister all the time- I remember feeling bad for the kids whose mothers worked and they went to after school care every day. I always looked up to her so much because she was truly amazing- she did the work of six people and kept our house running so smoothly- we always had breakfast made, our uniforms set out, she checked homework the night before, helped with school projects, cooked every night, woke everyone up, etc., etc. I just believe that I couldn't be happy as a mother unless I am the one mothering them all the time- not daycare workers and babysitters. It's not that I don't have career type aspirations- but I don't have the desire to put them before my family ever- I plan to work on a part time basis towards my goals once all of our children are in school.
This is our first child and I guess it is getting real now- I'm 20 weeks and have started feeling baby move consistently- and I am starting to let the criticism get to me. I don't want my children to think that women HAVE to stay home or that I sold myself short or gave up too much for them. I want them to see and know that I am happy with my very important role in our family. I have always thought of this choice as being out of self assurance- I know I could have a great and important career in my field, but I am choosing to nurture my family instead- but I am starting to second guess myself. I want the life I am making so badly but I feel so much shame. Any other moms relate? Any advice or wisdom would be appreciated!
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I am a stay at home mom, with a master's degree. I get "flack" all the time. From everywhere. But my hubby works hard and we can afford it, so why pay someone to care for our child? I do a few side things to bring in a little cash but work will always be there, my baby will only be a baby for so long.
I'm a SAHM, have been for 5 years and I have a master's degree. I struggled at first, not wanting people to think I threw away my education to stay home with my kids but ultimately, it was my education that made me want to stay home. I'm a trained therapist and I know how important the first two years of life are in developing a strong attachment to one's primary care giver and how much this attachment affects us and our relationships later in life. I wanted to be the one caring for my children and running our household while my kids are small. At first I felt some shame when people asked me what I did and I had to answer "oh, I just stay home" but now, I see so much value in what I do that I'm overflowing with gratitude that I GET to be at home with my kids! My husband is so grateful for all I do at home and how he doesn't have to spend his after work hours running errands or cleaning, etc because I can get it done during the day. When he comes home from work we get great family time and it is such a gift. I honestly wouldn't trade my "job" for any other job in the world right now.
My husband and I don't have a lot of money. I only went to trade school for medical assisting and if I were to get a full time job doing that I wouldn't be making very much. Daycare where I live is very expensive, even small and in my opinion not very good day cares are about $700 a month. My husband makes enough for us to live on and we don't qualify for any state aid so if I were to get a job I would be working 40 plus hours a week just to pay for daycare. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom so I like that I kind of have an excuse but I definitely feel shamed by people for doing it. His family especially makes me feel bad, saying things like "if you don't have enough money for this or that why don't you get a job?" We have enough money for everything we NEED plus a little extra to put away and splurge every once in a while so it's not like we are struggling but they don't get that. And then I have friends who think I'm just being lazy. I love my daughter and I love being about to stay home and spend my time with her but it is definitely not easy! Especially now being pregnant with our second and my daughter being 17 months and into everything!! Do what feels right for you and for your family and don't let anyone else influence your decision because it's so worth being home with your baby. Getting to see them grow and learn and being the one that they turn to for everything is such a great feeling.
Honestly, I never wanted to be a SAHM. I always wanted to work. BUT... we tried to get pregnant for almost a year and I was working a very high stress job. I quit in September and got pregnant in October and it's really hard to write that off as coincidence. I looked for another job but nothing came of any interviews, then my pregnancy turned high risk and my husband told me he was glad I was able to be home and rest. Then I just decided to stay home with baby for 6 months. Well... my baby is 4.5 months and I still can't bring myself to go back to work in another month! I got flack too because I have a science degree but honestly, my degree will always be there but my baby won't always be a baby. Some days are hard and frustrating and I feel useless because I don't bring home an income. Sometimes I feel lonely and isolated and like less than a person because I'm "just a mom." But my husband has told me on numerous occasions how much he appreciates me being home with her and his support helps a lot. When I feel unappreciative I think about how many women wish they could stay home with their babies and instead only get 6 weeks. I get to see all my daughter's firsts and you can't put a price on that. That said, some moms are happier working and that's okay too! Your baby is happiest when you are happiest. I wish neither working moms of SAHMs were put down for their choices. We're all just putting our babies first.
I'm going to say this as politely as I can because this is something that really pisses me off: fuck those people.If you're able to stay home with your children, then do it. End of story.I too have a BA, I too have always wanted to be a mom and stay home with my children, my parents constantly worked and their biggest regret was how much time I spent with babysitters. I never wanted to feel that way.My husband and I discussed it and he makes decent money, the decent kind that I can stay home. I will be returning to school (get my masters) and then work when my kids are in kindergarten but I will still be there for them and will limit their time with babysitters as much as possible.There is no shame at all in being a stay at home mom, and if anyone tries to shame you or condescendingly ask you what you all day, just say your job as a mother, that's what.
I feel the same way. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and although I run a small Etsy business that's brings in some money, I'm constantly judged. Especially from my in laws. They love me but I'm so sick of my MIL saying "I worked during my pregnancies and when the kids were born"(even though my FIL stayed home) or "but you have 2 diplomas". Don't see the point in going to work only to spend the majority of my money on childcare and a pet sitter (my dog is an energetic husky with anxiety issues and can't be left home alone for too long). Especially when I'd be missing out on my child's life. My mom was a SAHM too.Honestly I wish I had the answer. This is causing me a lot of stress lately. Even though I'm making dinners, taking care of pets, cleaning the house, running errands, I feel this huge weight on my shoulders that I'm not doing anything financially, even though my hubby makes enough to support us. I think once I give birth I'll have the guts to stand up for myself more because I know being a mom is a full time, 24/7, 365 day a year job.
My mom was a stay at home mom, she started working part time when my younger brother started kindergarten. I am eternally grateful to my mom for how selflessly she raised us. So I always wanted to give my children that same experience. I am a stay at home mom and I absolutely love it. I could care less what other people think. I have a law degree and worked seven years as a paralegal prior to having my daughter. I was raised bilingual and I am raising my daughter bilingual. I also plan to teach her 3 more languages when she turns 1 1/2. At the end of the day the only opinion that really matters to me is my daughters.
Im going to be a stay at home mom too! Truly it is the job I have always dreamed of too. My husband is okay with it.. once we get a house and are out of the rv Ill be in charge of cleaning, making dinner, taking care of the baby all day and be there present for my child all the time! I have nothing against moms who work. I just know for me personally, I have been called to devote myself to my child and leave the money making to my husband. He will in return have warm meals to come home to and a clean house and comfortable atmosphere. In this case, everyone wins! Child will have loads of attention, and mom and dad will be happy. Dont worry what other people think.. societys so backwards. You follow your heart because in the end youre living your life, not them, and they have no right or reason to judge. Many blessings to you fellow home mother!
my mom was a stay at home mom. she did baby sit a few kids here & there as her job but when my sisters & i grew up she got a job outside of the house. i loved my mom being home to come to all my school parties & being home when i got home from school. i think it takes a woman with a lot of confidence to decide to put her kids first & stay home with them!
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