My Husband Sleeps Around.....and I still love him
UPDATE: To those of you judging me, may I very politely ask you to shove your heads back up your asses. I would much rather my husband be happy and honest than sneak around and unhappy. It's estimated by most studies/surveys that close to 30% of people ADMIT to cheating. That dosent account for those who won't admit it. I do not judge your marriage or what works for you, please do not judge what works for mine. I don't need your prayers, but you need some of your own. The Bible specifically says to not cast judgement as that is reserved for the lord and the lord alone. I was simply trying to help people understand a LOT of cheating happens because a partner's needs aren't being met. Sex outside a relationship dosent mean your partner loves you any less, it just means their needs aren't being met inside the relationship. Would you rather your husband be happy and satisfied OR would you rather he die unhappy and deprived because his needs aren't being met? Not all partnerships have equal sex drives throughout.
START: When my husband and I met 25 years ago, my sex drive was through the roof! I was 23 and horny and wanted that man every second of the day. Our sex drives were so in sync and out sex was phenomenal!
But, after 3 years of dating we got married and two years later had our first child, Charlie. I suffered from PPD, but back then it wasn't really talked about and it took almost a year for someone, his mother in fact, to recommend I see someone. I thought "the baby blues" would go away when my hormones fell back in place. I thought being scared of my baby to the point of terror was normal. I thought it was something you "dealt" with. Needless to say, our sex life declined.
But after a couple months with a therapist, I was back headed towards healthy and our intimacy returned. My husband was understanding and supportive the entire time and never once tried to push sex on me even in the slightest.
Baby number two came 17 months later and, while better prepared this time, PPD made a return. Knowing more this time we caught it quickly and I was "back" within 3 months.
Two years later we had baby number 3 and it just about killed me. Had a stroke, almost bled to death, stopped breathing on my own for almost 30 minutes. PPD was the least of our concerns as I was in ICU for almost 50 days and my infant son was in NICU for 20 on his own.
It took me months after to heal. Emergency c-sections do not heal quickly. My left hand dosent work as well anymore. I was in physical therapy for almost two years.
But our intimacy did slowly return, but it was never back to "normal". And I do not believe that up until this point my husband had ever sought out any form of affection outside of our marriage.
But he was miserable. He was horny ALL the time. He destroyed two laptops because he downloaded bad porn (idiot!). He was drinking more (went from a scotch/glass of wine a night to 3-4 every night). It wasn't just the sex that had been gone for so long, it was that physical connection with another person. That basic need wasn't being filled and hadn't for so long.
After nearly 10 years of marriage, I gave my husband permission to have sex outside our marriage. I know my husband is deeply committed to me and we talked a LOT about boundaries and what was and wasn't allowed. We talked for weeks. It started with him being offended! He was furious I thought him going outside our marriage was acceptable!
But we talked more. We talked about him drinking more and about how I didn't see any change in my sex drive anytime soon and we talked about how damn expensive laptops were! We talked and talked and talked. We talked about how we are best friends and deeply committed to our family our children and our marriage. We talked about if he had his way, how many times a week would he have sex?
And eventually he agreed to think about it. A few weeks later he said he'd give it a try. But! He wanted a "mistress." He wanted someone he could trust, no one night stands. He wanted someone on the same page as him. So......my husband at 40, found himself a 28 year old girlfriend. She knows about me, he sees her when he travels to Houston for work. When he's in town (down there about one week a month or so) they go to dinner and "date." They don't really text when he's here, a little checking in here and there, she dosent blow his phone up or stalk him. I think she's just a normal young woman who enjoys his company but maintians a life when he's gone. They've been seeing each other for a long time now.
I know many of you won't agree with me, but my husband is HAPPY again. I am HAPPY. He is my best friend, he is an amazing father, our sex life is exactly what I want and his is exactly what he wants, he is my soul mate and the love of my life. But as I enter menopause (my body can't decide what the fuck time of life it is!)
I am not trying to change anyone's mind, but before you throw your marriage away because of infidelity, think about your needs as a person, his needs as a person, and what your family needs. You made a vow for life, if you can find a solution that fulfills everyone's needs and keeps your marriage together and happy, why not at least think about it.
Was your life happy before you found out about his mistress? Did he meet all your needs and was your home happy? There's not always a reason that needs to change!
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