when is the controlling to much? update added
My boyfriend of a year refused to allow me to talk to the father of my two kids.
I only talk to him about the kids. Strictly and that's for my own sanity.
I told him it was impossible to not communicate and if he expected that of me, then we needed to break up.
He said I could talk to him but dictates what I say.
I can say this and not that ...
Hes always asking me what we talk about.
I don't even say hi or hello, we go straight to the point. My ex and I don't like each other and will avoid any extra conversations.
The other night he asked to read my messages.
This is the third time he's gone through my phone in the last year.
I gave it to him and then realized how shitty I felt and basically said fuck you and took my phone back.
I feel so untrusted and degraded. The worse part is though, it seems like no matter what he'll find something to get mad about.
He then told me I was hiding something.
So I read the messages to him.
And now he's made about a questioned I asked the father...
I asked him to measure the kids so I can give the measurements to my sister. She needed them for a surprise she's making for the kids.
How was I supposed to know that I can't say that?
My boyfriend said it was unnecessary.
So now I never know what I can or can't do. I keep getting blind sided by what upsets him.
And I'm absolutely paranoid.
I have never in my life been a lier but now I find myself being sneaky even when things are innocent because he will accuse me of something anyway
One more example,
I had a girls night last Saturday. Few hours into the night a guy friend of my girlfriend shows up and he hung out with us all night.
When I walked in the door my boyfriend does what he always does and starts to interrogate me.
Are you drunk?
Who was there?
Was there any guys?
You didn't text me for two hours,why?
Did you get anyone's phone #s?
I started to feel like I was already in trouble, so I lied and said there were no guys.
An hour later I told that there was, I just didn't want to deal with it.
I was a little drunk and I just wanted to go to bed.
I shouldn't have lied. That was wrong.
I didn't know what to do about the guy coming. Say hey it's girls night, you can't hang out with us?
My boyfriend says "it was supposed to be girls night or I would have came"
I'm walking on eggshells.
And the worse part of it all is I absolutely LOVE my boyfriend.
He's so good to me (besides the controlling stuff)
So it makes it hard to leave him.
I tried talking to him about it but he justifies it.
He doesn't see how it's hurting me.
And now that I lied he keeps using it against me.
"Now I know I can't trust you"
It's so heart breaking.
I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm scared to leave him because I love him
I just needed to vent.
I'm just confused and sad.
What you guys do?
I start to get confused, am I wrong?
UPDATE
First off, I want to say how glad I am that I posted about this on glow. I want to thank you all so much for your comments. It's really opened my eyes and made me realize that I'm not crazy to feel this way. You all have given me the courage to leave.
I again told him how I felt and explained his behavior.
I did what one of you recommended which was to show him everything that was said here.
He responded by saying that's a bunch of women, ask a man and they'll agree with me.
He then goes back to blaming me. Maybe you could help me wrap my mind around this part...perhaps I ruined us from the start.
When we first dated, the first few months he kept breaking up with me.
Mind you, we're in out late 20s/early 30s
His reasoning was because he was scared and I have kids and he's not ready.
After the last break up, he came around and said he wanted to try it again. I was so upset!
He dumps me, then I go in a three day cry fest just for him to come back, want to have sex and make up?
Why is he doing this? I was confused and didn't trust him, I knew he was going to dump me in a week.
The next day my friends told me how I deserved better and how I can't keep letting him do this.
My kids had left to spend two weeks with there dad (I take care of them by myself the rest of the year)
That night I finally had a night of freedom, my confusion and the empowerment given by my girlfriend put me in a I don't care mode and kissed a guy friend.
I didn't know he was going to actually want to be with me st that point.
Sometimes I was glad it happened cause he finally committed.
I know it was wrong and I know that's why he's so insecure now.
At the end of the day, I know no matter what I ruined it.
He had the controlling aspect before that but now it's just amplified and gave him an excuse.
That night he decided to tell me he loved me, when the whole time I thought he was just using me for sex and was backing away any sign of commitment.
It's just a mess. It's been a mess and everything will always be held over my head.
I know it wasn't right.
He won't see how much he hurt me when he kept dumping me.
I know some of you will say rude things, which I get but do I really deserve to keep being treated like this?
Comment
Add Comment
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.
