is this rude?

Question

So my sister has had difficulty staying pregnant, she's has 3 miscarriages.. she recently found out she's pregnant and has told the whole family. She's sent out group texts to everyone about her doctors appointments and stuff, but hasn't included me in the texts. At first when I heard from my parents I assumed she was making her way to telling everyone so i didn't say anything. Then I find out she invited all my siblings over to her house for dinner and hasn't said a word to me. I tried to call her to congratulate her and I left a message and she hasn't responded. That's as almost 2 weeks ago. 
 
I'm pregnant and when I found out I told her away from my family incase it was hard for her. I included her in a lot of baby stuff including ultrasounds because she kept asking and said it made her happy to be doing baby stuff. 
 
I don't feel like she owes it to me, but I am a little offended that she is blatantly avoiding telling me for no reason. So on thanksgiving we will all be at our families house and I know she's going to just assume I know, so I'm going to pretend I don't. I said that to my mom and she was like "that's not very nice." But I feel like there is nothing rude about that? She didn't tell me and can't just assume I'll figure everything out... am I wrong?

Answer

You're not wrong. I would do the same thing

Answer

It might not be the nicest but I'd do the same tbh, but won't she know you already know from the voice mail?

Answer

I think your sister is being a bit rude tbh not you. I wouldn't make a big thing about it I'd be the bigger person. See how she acts at the meal and at some point take her to one side don't be confrontational but just ask her what's going on is she ok is she upset with you and ask her why she wasn't excited to tell you. She might of been upset for some reason at the time and then just felt silly. I'm sure it will be fine and you can enjoy being pregnant together. But don't just ignore it and not mention anything because you'll end up getting more mad and make the relationship worse when it could easily be sorted out now.

Answer

You're not wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds like she's just trying to avoid you because she's hurt/jealous. I have a friend who acted the same way your sister is. I never understood why women who can't get pregnant hold a grudge on those who can. Like it's not our fault.

Answer

You're not wrong...but also not right. From an outsider's point of view (at least mine) I can see where she's coming from. She has had troubles carrying while you have had a healthy pregnancy with little to no complications. She's been trying and her body failing her while yours is thriving. She may feel hurt, envy, and jealousy towards you and also probably doesn't want to "compete" for attention since you're both expecting or have you think she "got pregnant on purpose" to steal the spotlight. Obviously I don't know your sister or your relationship, but this is what comes to my mind. Petty as it sounds, everyone deals with their feelings during certain situations in their own way. I would just distance yourself, if she doesn't want you involved, there's nothing you can do. I completely understand why you're upset as well, don't think I'm saying your feelings are unjustified. Just try seeing things from her point of view. Sorry chickadee. Hope things get better.

Answer

I undertand how you feel about "pretending you dont know". Like why should she depend on someone else to tell you when apparently you were so close? I think she needs to communicate with you instead of blanking you. Even if shes upset, it wont solve anything by avoidig you.

Answer

I think it's immature to treat a sibling that way just because you are having trouble getting and staying pregnant. Its not your fault your sister has fertility issues. I tell my sister everything and she's older than me and she would love to be married and be pregnant but when I told her she was happy for me and that's how it should always be. Pregnancy is no competition. I think she needs to get over her jealousy or insecurities about it. Yall should be enjoying this news together. She's being sour and leaving you out like a child. You can't bring a child into this world by playing games like that.

Answer

When you deal with infertility or losses like this it changes people. It makes you resent ppl you have no reason to resent. I know because I've been there. I'm not saying what your sister did is right but she found genuinely just he jealous things came easier to you. I can't say I haven't acted the same at times. I lost my best friend bcs I couldn't cope with her having a baby. She hates me for it and I get it but I just couldn't even speak around her, I hated her for my suffering. It's really hard to understand if you haven't been there. I am pregnant now but it took me losses and 3 years to get here. I finally told my sister I was struggling 6 months ago. She asked me why I didn't tell her and I told her the honest truth...I was worried she would panic thinking she couldn't get pregnant either try and then I'd have to watch her have a baby. Selfish but infertility and loss make you act strange

Answer

I would be the bigger person!! You are not being a jerk. You were sensitive to her when you got pregnant and told her. You also let her participate in a lot of your pregnancy things because she asked. 
If it were me, I would act like I don't know because she didn't tell you, however that could make things worse but in my family I've only told 3 people and don't want the rest to know until I'm too big to hide it.

Answer

I don't think it's rude. I do think that maybe you should try to speak with her one on one about it. Maybe she doesn't want you to feel like she's stealing the shine away from your pregnancy. People handle things strangely, but I don't think you should act like you don't know because that may hurt her feelings and case a problem that doesn't need to happen. If that makes any sense.

is this rude?

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