i don't know what to do.

lee • ♡ ♡ ♡
So, here's the background. My parents are divorced. My mother lives in Texas. I haven't seen her since I was 4 (I turn 13 next month). 
I just found out why she left, and I'll spare you those details as they're a bit graphic. Now, I'm not sure if I want to move or not. 
If I have any chance at moving at all, it will be next year or later. Yet, I don't even know if I want to move. To me, the best birthday present would be to visit her either next year or later. But if I want to move, I'd have to say goodbye to my dad and stepmother, whom I've lived with for over half my life. I don't know at all what to do, can I get some advice?