I started dating a man with high functioning aspergers in June. I've done a lot of research on it,

I was just hoping there were other women in this community I could connect with that have experience with this. I just want someone I can talk to without bias and judgment.

*edited to elaborate* it's long..apologize in advance.

So we met on a dating site. We are both in our 30s. He was sweet on our first date. Conversation was a bit awkward but expected. But we vibed well. He even went in for the first kiss on his own. There was something magnetic about him. He was so warm and I felt good around him. We spent more and more time together. He's very affectionate and I could tell he was into me. He told me about 2 weeks in about his aspergers, and it all clicked. There were a few things I noticed about him that were off but I couldn't put a finger on it. Simple things.

Small menial things that are simple for me but seemed to take a lot of thought .. like getting his cash together to pay a dinner check or finding the right key to unlock a door. It all made sense. I started doing some research on it and it seemed he was pretty far off from the typical issues with aspies. But as time goes on I'm seeing it more and more. A few examples:

-i feel like if I didn't make first contact, 99% of the time, we wouldn't talk. I always feel like I'm bothering him and sometimes I'll text him and won't hear back for a whole day. I know he's not ignoring me but it still bothers me. He sometimes calls or texts first and I always feel like I make sure to respond right away and I wish I wouldn't sometimes. I feel like I let him know I am always at his disposal...but it's ok for him to take a day to respond. But at the same time I try not to sweat it I know he's not looking at my messages and ignoring me, but he legit just hasn't looked at his phone

-sometimes I just feel he's so focused on himself and what he's doing that I don't matter to him. But then he'll show some tiny reassurance and I feel a bit better. It's an odd thing. I'll be upset with him and then the second I am around him... I don't feel upset anymore. There's just an innocence about him. I cant describe it.

-sexually.... we've had some issues. First.. I found out he was still a virgin. His reasoning was he was afraid to get someone pregnant or get an std. We eventually had sex and of course..the condom fell off inside me. I am not pregnant..but I am afraid It was enough to keep him away from Intercourse all over again. It almost makes me feel as if i pressured him into it but i know thats not the case. I asked, and he said yes. I even asked if he was sure. And not to be tmi...but he did pretty good... lol Most of our sexual activity is foreplay. But even then... he's way more focused on his own pleasure and will often instruct me as I go along...which kind of sucks the romance out of it. He used to be more into pleasing me but it's kind of tapered off. And oral....well...he near insists on receiving it ..but never reciprocates. I made the mistake of asking why..forgetting an aspie will give you the unfiltered truth...and he told me I tasted "off " which about tanked my confidence. I'm not sure how to approach the sexual things without making him feel bad. And then I think...he has NO issue telling me what he needs and I need to do the same but. ..unlike him..I always try to find the most tactful way to say things.

-being in my 30s.... I'm looking for someone to start a family with. I don't know how being a husband and father will be with him. Or if he'd even make the moves to make those things happen. As of now he's on partial disability and only works part time and lives in an in law attached to his parents house. I don't care much about money but I'm still worried about how he'd live on his own or be able to help provide for a family. I realize I'm getting ahead of myself but at my age I have to think about these things.

-he doesn't always vocalize his emotion. He rarely compliments me. I was the first to say "I love you " and he did say it back... I just wish he'd say it first. I wish he'd let me know how he feels about me so I wouldn't always have to guess or assume.

But with all this.. there's also such an odd sense of confidence with him. I don't worry about him cheating. I know he cares. I know if he says I love you back to me, he means it. There's just something so enchanting to him and I want it to work because I care for and love him deeply. In a way I haven't felt for anyone before. I over think and that's an issue but I can't help it.

If you've read this long..... THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I would appreciate knowing other people's issues and stories and maybe have a bit of a support system going.