C section with an aniexty disorder. Long but might help someone out. Love my little peanut!!! 4 days old!!

So I had a planned c section on November 28th. I was nervous as hell bc I was put to sleep for the last c section 6 years ago. I have an anxiety disorder so that severely came into play when it was time for the surgery. The 2 hrs leading up to the surgery were nerve wracking. I was excited but I was also scared as f***. They did my iv, asked me questions, took blood and monitored baby for a while. Then the drs came in and said we are ready for you. So it was time to go. I said bye to my fiance and that I'll see him soon. He cried, I cried. We were nervous bc I hemorrhaged alot last time. I got into the er and got set up, they started pushing on my spine which hurt bc I'm sensitive. A nurse was standing in front of me as I'm sitting on the side of the table with my feet dangling. She was holding my hand and talking to me to keep my mind occupied. I made sure they were all aware of my fear of having a panic attack. Nurse kept me calm and distracted. The numbing medicine was the worst part. The pinch hurt and it burned for a minute. Then it went numb and they started poking. They took about 20-25 mins trying to find the right spot. Once they did I felt it. I told them, my feet and legs feel warm and tingly. They were happy and told me that it means the spinal worked. My spinal failed last time and that's why I had to be put out. They layed me down and it was a weird feeling bc I couldn't move my legs. Then they log rolled me and put a wedge underneath my back to keep me off my back a little bit. That was weird too, it felt like I was gonna fall off the table. So they started, I felt pressure and pushing and wiggling but no pain. I was still scared. My chest was hurting and I felt weird which was freaking me out. For anyone who doesn't have anxiety you may not understand the intense fear and just overall freaking out about every little thing. My head started to hurt and I started to panic that something was wrong. I felt like I couldn't breathe but they assured me I could bc I was breathing and my oxygen level was great. My vitals were stable. Knowing that and feeling like I can't breathe anyway made me skeptical, like the monitors weren't showing what was really happening or something. Then they gave me antibiotics in the iv. Almost instantly I got severely nauseaous and started throwing up. That's part of why they say no food or drink 8 hrs prior. Bc that can happen. Again that felt weird bc my body was convulsing bc I was dry heaving but I couldn't feel it. They had to give me something for the anxiety or I was gonna pass out on the table. The drs were really nice. I had a great team with me. My anesthesiologist played music for me on his phone and they all kept talking me through it, assuring me my vitals were stable and looking good and that I was going great. That helped tremendously. I can't thank them enough. They knew how scared I was. I was honest and didn't try to act brave. Bc that's the last thing I was feeling. So here's a funny part where I started laughing. I felt a bunch of pushing and wiggling and I asked the guy standing by my head what they were doing and he told me there were a few layers they had to get through. I said "what do you mean?" And he explained there was layers before they could get to the uterus. I was like "omg they've started??!!" I was super scared of what it was gonna feel like when they started cutting. They knew that so they didn't tell me even though they said they would so I know what's going on. I was grateful they didn't tell me. I was so preoccupied with everything else and the guy putting stuff in my iv that I didn't even know they were 10mins into the surgery. Lmao!!! Isn't that the best?? I started laughing and I couldn't get over the fact that I didn't know. So down to the last part. They told me they were about to take him out and on the count of 3 take a deep breath and that I was going to feel alot of pressure and that meant they were pulling the baby out. so I did and they said "he's out, born at 11:19 am. It took a couple mins to get him to cry but when he did, OMG best sound I've ever heard!!!!!! I started crying, my fiance started crying and he held my hand and we were so happy. My little baby Riley James Carrier was born and it was amazing. 7 lbs 6 oz, 19 inches long and absolutely perfect. Full head of hair and cute as a button!! I love him do much it feels like no amount of words can describe it. I feel blessed. This whole experience brought me and my fiance closer and we have such a strong bond it makes me want to cry just thinking about how much I love him and my family of 4 now. Thank you for reading if you got all the way through. I know it was lengthy but my experience was quite like no other. I'm proud of myself for getting through it and my recovery is going very well.