Sexless marriage. 😔

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My partner and I have been together for ten years; sexually active for eight. Somewhere along the way, we lost the intimacy we shared sexually and something went awry. He is my best friend and we are extremely close; we love to spend time together and there is no shortage of intimacy emotionally. However, the bedroom is another story. For the last few years, we have progressively become more afraid and uncomfortable with having sex with one another. 

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Though we have been intimate for a long time, I have only been able to successfully get him off once or twice orally or with my hand. Each time I have tried to have him show me what he likes or to coach me so that I can better please him, he does so and things go well - but he often takes over by the end and finishes himself off. It has left me feeling sad, self-conscious and incapable. I have told him this and he has since stopped, but I have not been able to successfully finish him without help since and I usually end up in tears, which doesn't exactly help. 😕 I would love to be able to pleasure him and feel confident doing so. He doesn't masturbate often but he does use a very tight grip and I grow tired after a while, though I try to hide it.

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Worse yet, our sex life has suffered. Sex with him is wonderful (when we are able to relax, usually when drinking, which makes me sad), but my sex drive is much higher than his and as a result he feels pressured when we do have sex. He worries so much about staying hard or not orgasming too soon or how he looks that he ends up losing his erection and as a result, I usually end up disappointed (though I always reassure him I'm not disappointed in him personally). He doesn't suffer from any medical issue; he just pressures himself and panics. He doesn't want to disappoint me and I end up wondering if it's because of me, or my body, or if he's no longer attracted to me. We always reassure each other but it never works. I still feel ugly and unwanted and he feels like a failure. I want so badly to share a better sex life with him but the exact same pattern of pressure and fear of failure and disappointment have led us to a place of misery.

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I'm at a loss of what to do. We managed to finally talk it all out the other night, but neither of us could figure out a solution. Therapy is on the table, but preferably as a last attempt. I don't know what to do. Should I try to swallow my pride and try to work on satisfying him again? Work on my confidence level with him sexually? Put on a sexy negligee and try to initiate? I'm so lost. Do you ladies have any tips? 😕