Young widow, rediscovering myself.

Feeling like a slut but also I am soooo over feeling that way. I've never just had a time where I focused on me AND got a little action on the side too. It's totally fun. And allows for time with my kids since I don't have to make time for a boyfriend! I feel on the fence about everything in my life right now so this 'on-the-fence' lifestyle seems to be working okay. I have been a widow for three and a half years so save your judgements. I've never given myself time for me! It is so liberating but also scary. Eventually, I would love to find a man I could truly love but I am picky and don't want to be the one doing the chasing. I'm not looking for approval but just kind of wanted to see if there was anyone else out there like me who is just exploring themselves and learning to love themselves for the first time?