Need bf help....

So this is going to be long but i need advice. I have a feeling i already know the answer but hello from an outside perspective would help.

Me and my "boyfriend" have been together for about 2 years now. When we first started i had just gotten out of a relationship with my ex of 2 years. I had cheated on him with the guy im with now ( i know bad start, exporters

Recipe for disaster) and wet were good for a few months until he started rooming with an old friend of his. Him and his friend got drunk one night and had a 3 some with this girl.... he started acting distant and uninterested in spending time with me so i stated talking with my ex again and ended up hooking up with him again since i was technically single. I went back and forth for months being a lying decieving piece of poop and after lots of talks he finally told me about the 3 some, didn't tell me he was mad for me cheating and that he wanted to officially be together. I was too scared amd rejected him multiple times left him for my ex then realized i didnt want to be without him.

I finally did the respectable thing and told my ex everything and told him i thought it would e best for his emotional health to move on from me. Many tears and 3 months later he found himself a wonderful girlfriend. On the other hand for me i decided to try and fix things with my other choice. We tried for several months to work things out but that christmas we broke up due to me not being happy with how things were. We spent new years together miserably (10 shots of Jaeger by myself while he slept till 5 minutes before the ball dropped) and since then nothings been the same. He wanted to work things out but we always argued and so when in march of this year i went o brazil with my family he told me he wanted space and time for himself and when i got back he completely shut down. To this day i have no clue if it was because i made him feel so unwanted and depressed but he told me he didn't have feelings for me anymore and just wanted to be friends and of course i stated to panic from the sudden rejection since he acted like things were starting to work out.

That night i told him that i truely wanted to be with him and that i put the past in the past and wanted to move on with him but all he said was sorry and shouldn't look at me. We stopped talking completely for about a week before he texted me to see if i wanted to go to a horror convention to which i agreed (mostly so i could go get an autograph from one of my favorite horror film Actors) and his attitude towards me totally changed. He acted like he loved me again. The passion in his eyes that i had not seen in almost a year had come back that day. But is been 8 months since then and i havnt seen that look and we fight almost every time we see eachother. Every time i bring up feelings he says he doesn't want to talk about it. Every time i being up being officially together he says he's not ready and he wants to get his life together first. I doubt want to break up with him but i feel like I'm not being fair to myself because i deserve someone to cherish me and show me affection which he just doesn't do at all. If i make advances for a hug or kiss or try to be snugly i get rejected 75% of the time.

I just dont know what to do to fix this problem between us or if it's possible or if i souls end it, how should i tell him because i feel like every time i ask him "are you even happy with me? It's ok if you're not, i just need to know." He says of course i am. "Do i care about you? Yes. Do i love you? Yes. But i dont tell you these things because im not ready for a relationship.

and no i dont think he's cheating. Im with him 90% of the time that hes not at work. He's too much of a home body to make an effort to go meet a girl somewhere and he'd be stupid to bring a girl over and cheat on me because I'm very close with our neighbors and he is not.

Also hes a complete invert. He doesn't ever want to go anywhere or want to meet my friends or do anything with them unless it's at our apartment. And he never wants me to hang out with any of his friends which is really only one person and unfortunately is the girl he had the threesome with but im pretty sure i assured her id destroy he if she tries anything again with him, drunk or not. ( shes a shy girl that consistently apologizes for breathing and her knowing i know what happened between them has her too scared to make eye contact or really speak to me.)

He wont make new friends and feels to awkward...im a social butterfly and it's really starting to hurt our relationship.

Im sorry for the long story but i wanted you guys to get the full picture and to make sure you guys knew that i feel a lot of the fault is my own. It was out of character for me to cheat in the first place let alone mess around with more than one person at a time. Im just lost, depressed and aching fir his attention but also getting feed up and feeling constricted.