Want to end this life.

I want to commit suicide! I can't help thinking it especially since I'm drinking to try and feel better. Me and my husband have been fighting a lot since we got our own house, he drinks every night so tonight he didn't and I decided too, we have been trying to become pregnant for 4 years now not happening probably cause I had an abortion at age 21 age 26 now and my husbands mom keeps pushing it on me telling me I'm getting old she is Muslim from bosnia and my sister is pregnant with her second child so that doesn't help and now caused a fight with her, my grandma lives in another state turns out she paid for my Plane ticket to see her not my dad I thought I was going to see my dad not her now she is dying and I can't afford to see her my husbands dad has 2 years to live from diabetes and his mom maybe 5 years his brother 10 years since he is disabled. A lot is going on I just want to end my life to not feel depression anymore . I can't be a mom or make my family happy not even my own husband. I am so loosing myself then who I use to be.