it's 2017 and I still feel like giving up completely.

Whether you believe in god or not, something I hear a lot is "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle".  But 2016 has brought a lot of bullshit. Completely and utter bullshit that has completely destroyed me and I don't think just because someone says "New year, New You" is gonna fix that. First off, I lost the love of my life to some unfortunate events because when times got supper hard, and I felt unappreciated and less than one to many time, I got scared and it resulted in a huge fight which ended up in me leaving because the situation we were in was new and wasn't going well or easy at all. Ever sense then I knew I should've stayed and gave more than the hundred percent I was doing. If that was possible. In between then and now, I had to deal with an awful current ex girlfriend of his he dated for two weeks to rebound with. I never spoke to him while they were dating but she insisted to stalk me on every social media, whether through he friends or hers after I blocked her. I had honestly never been treated so shitty by another human being and didn't understand why I deserved this. Ending result, they broke up because he missed me, but he didn't tell me that, instead I got a text saying "I hope you're happy now" continuing with getting bitched out and told how I would just be better off dead. Not long after that I lost the other love of my life, My grandmother. She was struggling with cancer, 3 kinds - lung, bone-marrow and colon. Right before I was about to see her, I become really depressed and was being really selfish with my feelings. I called her because she usually helps me with this. The last thing she said to me was "Honey, don't worry about me. I want you to be okay. I want you to be happy. I don't want anything to happen to you. I love you honey. Please try to get better." I felt awful because Shortly after she passed away. Two days before I could see her and tell her goodbye.  It pushed me further into depression. A couple more series of events been to happen in the last 6 month span including my dad kicking me out of my house, saying he was so done putting up with me that he could just blow his brains out or put me in a mental institution. I  hadn't said anything either. Just sitting on the couch crying and listening. I don't know what triggered it to this day but I still have nightmares about him killing himself and it scares me. I feel like I have to constantly tip toe around him. These events just become reoccurring, back and worth between a lover not know he wanted to do, who he wanted, it tore me apart. My family because separated and awful towards each other my grandma was no longer the glue to keep us together. So much has happened besides those events as well. I just don't know how to come back from it. Everyone says "You just need to get over it" but honestly I've tried and I don't think it's that easy. My heart has broken one to many times and it's gotten so bad where sometimes I was just close to not waking up the next day. I knew it was selfish. But I just didn't see the point. And I don't now. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel or what to say. I want to disappear and maybe it's a shame to feel this way coming into the new year. I've tried to get help. I don't want a pity party and a pat on the back. I want help. I don't want someone to say they'll be there for me. I want them to do it. Because being alone and being clinically depressed and have severe anxiety, I can't do this alone anymore and lord knows I have tried.