I'm not here to judge at all and certainly don't want anyone to judge me...but I've always wanted a c section. I know plenty of people say it's cowardly or that I'm going to have a more difficult recovery especially if I don't need it. I've had women say really rude and hurtful things to me, like not birthing a child makes me less of a mother or that I'm too posh to push and billions of women do it so why can't I? 

I have genital herpes and there's a chance I may need a c section anyway. I'm also only 5'1 and only 100lbs before pregnancy, i have a really small vagina so I'm afraid of how big my daughter will be. I have so much fear around hospitals that I cry and have nightmares about my appointments and drawing blood. I've feared medical procedures and doctors all my life - I have a hard time calming down any time I have to go visit someone in a hospital. This pregnancy has been so difficult on me especially because I've fear birth and while I'm happy and excited to meet my daughter, I don't know how to play an active part in her labor. 

Any help would be great, but please don't judge. 

Note: I'm talking about an elective c section not an emergency one where the mother has already been strained for many hours and is in danger.