So on December 29th [I was 34+5 weeks pregnant] I was sitting in the passenger side of my moms car,...


UPDATE: HE GOT TO COME HOME ON TUESDAY! 😍 he left the hospital at 5 lbs 7 oz and in 4 days has gained and weighs 5 lbs 11 oz! I am SO HAPPY AND SO IN LOVEEEEE!😍😍😍

So on December 29th [I was 34+5 weeks pregnant] I was sitting in the passenger side of my moms car, along with my 5 and 6 year old boys in the back seat. We were going to exchange some shoes and christmas stuff for the day, but I guess the baby had other plans?

I was holding my pee, and couldn't wait to go inside to find a restroom but I felt a gush and thought " REALLY I PEED MYSELF AGAIN!" ...

so I got a napkin out of the glove box to wipe myself until we went to the restroom BUT it was full of dark red blood.

My. Heart. Stopped.

I knew this wasn't good or normal. I felt more gushing and starting bleeding profusely every where!

I told my mom to step on it & get me to labor and delivery - which THANK GOD was 10 minutes across the highway, BUT MY SAVIOR OF A MOM got me there in 5 by running red-lights with her flashers on!

I was crying and having a panic attack the whole way there, fearing the worst, thinking about all those movies where something like this happens, and it's the worst possible outcome. I've never felt so scared in my life!

So we pull up to labor and delivery- and I hightail it out of the car, leaving a gruesome trail of blood through the main entrance, up the elevators, and to the labor and delivery desk. I freaked a few people out in the process [plus every one was talking about me for days so I guess stuff like 3 this doesn't happen often]

SO anyway they immediately take me to a bed and I'm crying and begging them to "please find my baby's heartbeat, please tell me what's happening, please help me/the baby please!!!" And the nurse is soothing me as much as possible getting me set up to check everything out. While in still gushing much blood.

So she puts the heart monitor on my belly and .... his/the baby heart rate is THERE AND IT'S NORMAL! I got there in time! I can't tell you the relief that gave me...I didn't care what happened to me, but please let the baby be first priority!

My OBGYN arrives in under 5 min and does a quick check of everything. I was already dialled to a 3 and 90% effaced....

BUT the prognosis was I had placental abruption... the placenta detatched from the uterine wall.... and I had to have an emergency c-section NOW!

My husband was rushing from work to get there, but he wouldn't make it on time cause it was an emergency of course. He was crying and so scared to lose me and the baby...

The nurses even said if I had been there 30 minutes later that we most likely wouldn't have made it. The doctors and nurses couldn't believe that this even happened, that it just does cause it's an anomaly, even though my pregnancy was healthy the whole way through...

they had the anesthesiologist quickly put a spinal block in so I could see my baby being born thank God.

Having a c-section was the weirdest feeling ever! A lot of pushing, pulling, tugging, pressure...I even felt it near my lungs it was really crazy!

So baby comes out and I hear the sweetest littlest cries come out. He's okay and alive. That's all I wanted. His Apgar was a 9.

He was 4 lbs 14 Oz and 19 inches long!

His name is Ezra Orion [last name]❀

But...his lungs weren't ready and he declined fast enough that he had to go to the nicu. I didn't even get to hold him or kiss him once. 😒

So my baby has been in the nicu since. Ive only got to hold him/ do skin to skin once since hes been born😒. And now i am home already, and had to leave him there, which I am so heartbroken about. It's like he makes progress, and then it's another step back day in day out... though yesterday they said he is improving....

I feel like I'm cut in half and can barely take care of myself the pain is so intense. So recovery has been and still is really hard on me... but the hardest part is not being able to have my baby home with me!

I feel so alone and sad....I need him. It's not natural to not have your baby close and with you after birth!

I mean they don't suspect him to be in there too long since he wasn't super early as some babies, but we still don't know WHEN because he has to improve and be able to keep a steady temp, feed normally from breast/bottle or both, fit in his carseat, etc.... so idk....

Also, my two older boys saw everything that happened until I was wheeled away for the c-section, and are kinda scarred from it so I feel horrible! Especially my 5 year old he told me " I saw all that blood and didn't know what was going to happen to you mommy" and he has been pretty emotional towards me.

That is my birth story sorry if it's jumbled I'm just a wreck right now...

Has anyone been through this, or something similar? How do you get through it? Any tips or know what I can expect next?

I just feel so empty and alone without my baby and could use some words of wisdom, comfort, advice or anything really.....

If I left something out just ask!

Thanks for reading... it means a lot!