advice 😭😒 on how to feel

So I am a mother of two soon to be. I have a son and will be having a daughter soon. My kids dad and I are not together I raised my son without him and we eventually worked things out and got back together for him to be a father to our son and I became pregnant with my daughter. I have never told anyone what happened between him and I 😭 but I needed somewhere to vent! Please don't judge! My kids dad was excited about baby when he found out and then he slowly started to act strange I asked why he was being weird and I seen a number on our phone I didn't recognize so I asked him and he said it was the mom of the little boy he did raise which is not his son he had found out after there split when she came for the son and gave him the DNA results proving he was not the father. Well he was being strange he was asking me to terminate the pregnancy and I said no because I had a miscarriage a few weeks before I got pregnant with our baby I'm having now. It was a very difficult experience and I wasn't willing to do it! So he started telling me if I didn't kill the baby he was gonna leave me I begged him to stop being that way he then asked me to give our baby to his mom which I thought was so crazy because she didn't raise any of her kids except him and he seems to have turned out the worse ! He's heartless he's a dick he's lazy he acts like a child himself ! He tried to force me to agree to it and I said no because she didn't raise her kids she had 8 kids and gave them all away to her family her twins were separated as well into two different homes I was not about to give my baby away to people who don't even speak to me or treat my son as there family! Well anyways he told me if I didn't wanna go have an abortion he was wanting to beat my stomach until I lost the baby which absolutely tore me up inside ! I decided at that moment I was not gonna allow him to force me to do anything I didn't want to so he asked me to go see this little boy he raised I agreed I dropped him off with his mom and never heard from him until the day I messaged his gf now which was his gf from the moment he got to her I literally spoke to her for hours she told me she didn't wanna be with him and I knew she was lieing so I told her I was pregnant and I didn't care if she knew I wasn't gonna let him hide me or my kids he got so mad he told me he hated me and our kids and he regretted me I didn't care! He should have never hid me or my kids we were engaged ! I lived with him and I was the mother of his first real son and his now only daughter !  I didn't deserve what he did he eventually apologized and we spoke a little then I didn't hear from him again and his little brother had to let me know he was not coming home he was staying there with that female 😫😭 since that day I was very sad I literally let this break up get the best of me I almost overdosed my bestfriend saved me! But it turned into anger once the sad went away and I had my friend help me destroy everything I bought him! Including the 1960 mustang I bought him! My friends destroyed it beyond repair! But I did not touch the car at all! But lately I've been starting to miss him even though he shattered me beyond repair I don't ever wanna be with him again nor will I allow him there when I deliver just like with my son I didn't allow him to see my son I will do the same with my daughter he is not on my sons birth certificate and he will not be on my daughters either! His whole family has been trynna convince me to change my sons last name to his dad last name because my son has my last name and they are begging me to put my daughter with there last name as well and I said no just like I did with my son because a father is someone who will stick by there kids through thick and thin not someone who comes when he's lonely or when he feels like it's fine and he has not contacted me about neither of our kids and he also missed out sons 2nd birthday that he planned and he also didn't even call to tell him happy birthday neither did any of his brothers or mom or aunts! But yet hey act like they are so worried about my daughter trynna come to my appointments! I tell them no so they say I'm lieing that I'm having a girl which I don't care because I know I'm not lieing I did blood work 🤷🏼‍♀️ but to me the thing that bothers me is that his gf has a son that is not his and he takes care of him like he is just because he's raised that boy as his own since he was born because she tricked him saying it was his until about a year ago she admitted it wasn't. Well this pregnancy of mine they took me to court saying I was lieing about my pregnancy and they made me pee with a judge in there and did a sono on me to prove I wasn't lieing it was shame! I don't know why they don't leave my life alone 😭 but even through all the bad I miss my kids dad and I don't know how to begin to let go 😭 I'm sorry this was a very long rant 😫