small rant

My biggest fear of having a child is being the mother that my mother was to me she literally treated me n my twin like she did not want us and tell the day we still can't get along for nothing we got along for a lil but than it was back to the basics her treating me like the out cast of the family n just talking down on me than making it seem like I'm the problem I use to wonder why she treated us so different tell my uncle told me she treats us like my grandma treated her but now that my twin has passed I have no one to help me defend my self when she tries to talk down on me one year and a half ago she tried to fight me twice she spreaded lies about my boyfriend and told me I wasn't her daughter that she is discussed to even call me her daughter smh Ik all I want is a relationship with one of my parents because me and my dad has a rocky relationship also he comes n goes as he pleases I just don't want to be the same mother she was to me to my child😔😔😔😔