**possible trigger** Do you think 1st pregnancy MCs hurt more than MCs after children?

Question

I'm currently going through my first miscarriage and what was my first pregnancy. I can't help but keep thinking "it wouldn't hurt this much if I already had a child" (which I know is not fair). So I have to ask... Do you think first pregnancy miscarriages hurt more than miscarriages after live births?

Answer

I think a loss is a loss to everyone. None greater or less. Each loss effects each person differently. Regardlessthey have children or not.

Answer

No not at all. I think a loss is a loss no matter gestation and or timing.  
My 3rd pregnancy ended in a miscarry. It hurt terribly because after having two successful pregnancies I had let my guard down. I didn't think it could/would happen to me. But it did. At 13 weeks I lost the first baby. Then at 14 weeks the second.  I was completely devastated and broken. Not only had it been completely unexpected I would have twins it was completely unexpected I would lose them. I went on to successfully have two more pregnancies and the stress and worry during those was tremendous.

Answer

No, I actually thought it hurt worse. You don't know the love you have for your own child until after you have one. So when I was pregnant again after I had my daughter, I already loved it so much because I knew what it was like to love your own child. I was heartbroken when I lost that one. I had a mc before I was pregnant with my daughter too. And while I was disappointed & upset, I wasn't nearly as sad because I didn't really understand what I lost, you know?

Answer

No. I have been pregnant 12 times. Lost my first three pregnancies. Baby #1 was pregnancy #4. We lost pregnancy #5 and I had a D&C. Baby #2 was pregnancy #6. Lost 2 more after him. Baby #3 was pregnancy #9, got pregnant back to back and baby #4 was pregnancy #10. Lost #11, suffered from a false pregnancy following the miscarriage. Baby #5 on board is pregnancy #12. I can tell you that the grief changes, but it all hurts about the same.

Answer

Yeah, I agree that they hurt no matter what. I also MC'd my first pregnancy (~3 months ago) and I don't think the feeling of loss would be any different. Sorry for your loss.

Answer

I think that it hurts no matter what. For me I was grieving my children but also grieving the fact that I wasn't a mother, so in someways that is hard. At the same time, I was able to grieve and take time for myself without having to put on a strong face for a little one, that would be hard too.

Even in loss, the grass is always greener on the other side.

Sorry you are going through this.

Answer

My mom has 8 kids and still talks about the ONE miscarriage she had (it would have been baby #3)

My sister has had two miscarriages, but the first time she was pregnant was successful. It still hurts and she has depression and anxiety.

I have a friend who had a miscarriage and makes me and my sister feel like shit because "at least you have a baby already" that kind of mindset is so rude and cruel. Everyone grieves differently. Some women could have multiple kids before their first MC and they might become suicidal and take their life. You can't assume your pain is worse than someone else's because of their circumstance.

Answer

No. I lost my second pregnancy at 16 weeks and it was horrible. It's my opinion that it was worse because we know exactly what we have lost. Not that you don't, but I knew everything I was losing. The whole pregnancy, birth process, and every milestone after. In your mind you have a lost a child, a piece of yourself yes but also different. It's an idea to you, for us it's our lives. I would rather die and than ever lose a child.

Answer

My mom lost a pregnancy after three healthy babies, and she still talks about it 35 years later.

Answer

No. Each loss is devastating. I've had two losses and a baby in between them. The second loss was possibly more difficult since I know I'm capable of carrying to term.

possible trigger Do you think 1st pregnancy MCs hurt more than MCs after children?

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