courtesy stitch??

I am so upset that my doctor sewed me up more than I was naturally.  I know it sounds strange, most women don't mind the 'courtesy stitch' but I am SO scared for sex now that I don't ever want to have it again. Whyyyyy would he do that??? I feel so bad for my husband but he understands how traumatic my birth story was for me.  Anyone else have this problem?  All I can think about is how much MORE I'll rip if there's ever a baby #2 😫😫😫