Never ending...

So I may get hate for saying this but I have a problem with checking my boyfriend's phone's.. that's how I found out my first bf cheated and that's how I found out my current bf isn't who I can stay with.. I wish I wasn't so insecure and always feel the need to violate their privacy but damn....

I never lied to them about checking their phones. I legitimately want to use this time that I'm gonna be single to work on myself though. I want to get to know myself for the first time and I want to better myself.

I plan on hoping back on my meds, antidepressants and anxiety, so I can focus on getting back to work... I'm extremely desperate for a job especially since I won't be in a relationship after this weekend and will have way too much time on my hands.. that's kind of deadly when I'm not on any antidepressants tbh.

Yeah leaving him will kill me because he was amazing but I should have known something was gonna happen. I guess I'm easy to cheat on or loose interest in and that makes me really want to get to know myself so I can become more confident and worry less about relationships and shit.

I thought that I could have this guy teach me how to love myself when really I need to do it by myself, I need to be independent and its about time I stop wasting energy on things that are seeming to slow me down.

Wish me luck please, I'm gonna need it.