I'm here to share my story..
Trigger warning *****
The summer before last was something I will never forget. I had been in a huge argument with my SO of the time we had decided to take a break (we are actually engaged now and have never faught other than the once). Anyhoo, my Ex found out.
I suffer from PTSD and Anxiety both of these things make me rather vulnerable and lacking good judgment when I'm upset (and I was very) and this ex new that. And he quickly took advantage of that. I was baby sitting late one night and needed a ride home. He quickly jumped and offered to give me a ride home across town. He also said he wanted to help me feel better. Sounded great to me, it has been a lonely week. At around 2 am I got in his car. He drove around the block and stopped... he started to kiss me and shoved his hands down my pants and I froze. I didn't know what to think. He then asked if I'd get in the back and so I got up and sat in the back. He got in the back with me and undressed me. I couldn't look at him all I said was "this.. this isn't okay." He took my clothes off and started to have sex with me.. I just laid there looking out the window.. I wanted him to stop, I started to pretend I liked it in hopes he would finish quicker. But he didn't. I was dry and it was painful.. after everything was done and I was raw and I'm pretty sure bleeding he took me home. Grabbed my face all gentle and said "we will get through this together"... then came my serious of mistakes
1. I hopped in the shower
2. Threw out my clothes
3. Deleted the messeges
No proof. No evidence. And I was quiet.
I decided I wouldn't even try to press any sort of charges... and I tried very hard to forget that night. Needless to say I cant, and I've started to receive counseling.. I have had friends say it was my fault... friends say it was dumb that I froze and I could've stopped it... ultimately I feel like I'm covered in a thick permanent mud... it was the worst thing I think I've been through.
Ladies, if your attacked yell the word no and don't be to frozen OR shocked to stay silent... keep your clothes, don't shower, and call the police.