Update #1: Major Drama with Husband, Please Help
UPDATE #1: my husband has finally realized how incredibly hurtful this whole thing has been and how he poorly handled this with his mom. He has profusely apologized and told me he will do whatever I feel is best to fix it. Of course what I truly want is his mom not to go and it just be us. However, I don't think that is the right option because I feel this will forever impact mine and her relationship, which ultimately isn't worth it. So I feel my only option is to cancel (it will be hard to reschedule after baby is here due to work and probably would have to be a year from now which defeats this whole big sister trip purpose) or suck it up and just go with her (but put my foot down about hotel I want to stay at and activities I planned for my daughter). I just don't know what the best option is. I keep flipping back and forth. I am a big pregnant hormonal baby I know, it's just this wasn't what was supposed to happen :(
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I normally wouldn't share something so personal online, but I really am in need of advice and I am too emotionally upset to talk to any of my friends.
Backstory: My husband and I have been together 11 years, married for 5 years. We have a 3 year old daughter, and I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with another girl. Our relationship has always been great. No major issues at all, but of course there have been ups and downs over time.
So, very early in my pregnancy we decided before the baby was born that we would take our daughter to Disneyland as a big sister trip and to make her feel really special before the baby arrives. To make it more special we invited both of our moms to go. We all wanted to go in February, however my MIL wasn't allowed to take any time off in the month of Feb at work due to some conflicts so we pushed to the 1st week in March. Right before we booked it, my mom got called on a business trip that week and can no longer go that week. We can't go the week after because it's spring break season and the hotels are sold out. Then once spring break is over I will be almost 8 months along and that will be really hard to go.
So essentially there was not a single week where all of us could go. My husband and I decided we will do a mom's trip next year and just him, myself, and daughter will go this year since our moms schedule do not align and we don't want to leave anyone out. I talked to my mom first and she was sooooo sad but understood. Fast forward to my husband talking to his mom. I should add he has a history of being ahorrible communicator with his family which has lead to several issues between us, ultimately him never standing up to them and doing whatever they say no matter the impact on him or I. Well he tried to talk to her and he didn't really frame it up the right way and mentioned my mom can't go but that we are still going. He failed to tell her that out of fairness the mom's trip was postponed. So she said she is still available and is coming.
He texts me at work to let me know and I flip out. First of all that is beyond unfair to my mom, ultimately my MIL got picked over her. Second of all my daughter is my mom's only grandchild and has a really really special bond with her. My MIL has 2 other grandchildren (both older than my daughter) whom she took to Disneyland for the first time with my SIL. She she has already had that special moment, twice. And now my mom will never get it. I should also add my MIL completely devotes her life to my SIL and constantly leaves our family out. It has hurt my husband a lot. My daughter knows her and loves her, but does not have a special bond with her like she does with my mom. Also, Disneyland is really really special to me and I don't want my daughter's first experience there with family to not include my mom.
Well I obliviously got pretty upset with him for not sticking with the plan and ultimately putting me between his mom and my mom. Him and I had a huge fight over text and we had planned to talk when I got home from work. Well on my way home, while he was upset at me, he called his mom and said since my mom can't go she can't go. Obviously not how that should have been communicated, she started crying, whole thing is now 100x worse. It paints me out to be this monster when in reality I just wanted both of our moms to equally get the opportunity. My mom was available to go in February and so were we, but we didn't since my MIL can't.
I had a long conversation with my mom tonight and she was a champ, but clearly very hurt and just sad. She told me to take my MIL since it has gone this far. I decided to be the bigger person and agree and told my husband to do so. I even spoke with her on the phone to smooth it all over.
As soon as we hung up the feeling of dread so overwhelming hit me and I have not stopped crying since. My MIL isn't the easiest and I could see this dream princess tripped I planned for my daughter would no longer be what I had planned. My MIL doesn't want to stay at the Disney resort hotel since it's too expensive and wants to stay at a crappy inn instead. And so on and so forth. The small little details that I envisioned are slowly chipping away. I am so devastated and so angry that my husband put me in this position and ruined the 1 special thing I have been planning for so long. I am at the point that I feel I have no option but to cancel it because no matter what I do someone suffers.
I am a really strong person and am really reasonable normally. I am not sure why I am having such a significant emotional reaction to this. Maybe it's pregnancy hormones? I just would like some guidance on this and see what I should do. I feel like it is not the trip itself that is the issue but it's more of the meaning behind it: the last special moment as a family of 3 and creating this life long memory with my daughter which is now completely tarnished with my mom being excluded and my MIL dictating the small details. Please help and please don't be too harsh, I'm a real person behind the keyboard who is really sad.
Thanks for reading.
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