10pm on Wednesday 4th January. I went to use the toilet. It was a little strange as lately I've just having little wee's but tonight it was a big wee. As I went to stand up, another gush of wee (or so I thought) came out. I messaged my partner telling him it felt weird. He asked jokingly if I thought my waters had broke. I said I didn't think so. I then stood up to find that I was wet. He told me to ring the maternity ward and to let him know what they say. 

I phoned them and they said that my waters have broke and to make my way in to the hospital in the next few hours to be checked over. In the time I'd spoken to them, my partner decided to leave work and make his way home. I quickly phoned my mum to let her know and I jumped in the shower to freshen myself up thinking "this is it, he's making his way in to the world!". 

Its quite funny as 12hours ago I went to have my 37 week growth scan and they said that everything was ok and to let nature take its course. We went home, a little gutted as we both secretly hoped they'd say the wanted to induce me. We just wanted to meet our little boy! I later began to feel unwell so went to bed, i woke and then vomited. Little did I know my waters were going to break hours later.. 

We made our way to the hospital around 11:15pm. I was checked over and the baby was monitored then was sent home at 2:15am. They told me as my contractions hadn't started that I should ring them at 9pm on Thursday as they will book me in for an induction. As I got in to bed that night my first contraction happened at 3:10am. It just felt like a period pain, I was surprised as I thought it would feel different. 

I woke up later in the morning. I was having contractions but 40minutes apart not lasting very long. We placed the TENS machine on me and just waited around the house. The pains began to get stronger but still too far apart to do anything. The day went by and i phoned the hospital at 9pm. As I had started having contractions but they were not close enough they told me to stay home plus they had no available beds but If anything changed to ring them. The TENS machine and bouncing on the ball my friend had lent me was helping with the pains. But I found sleeping/resting hard plus they would slow my contractions down. The contractions were beginning to get a little closer around 20 minutes apart and lasting over a minute sometimes longer. I was struggling to cope with the pain so phoned the hospital. They advised me to take cocodamol and have a bath. They said that I didn't sound like I'd be dilating yet so no point going in. So I did at 4:30am, the bath did help but the pain killers didn't touch me. 

I phoned the hospital at 8am Friday morning, they told me to go in to be checked over. We go in, I get checked over. The midwife was then going to give me a sweep in case not all of my waters had gone. She internally checks me. I was 3cm dilated and my membranes had gone fully. But they still hadn't got any beds available and there was another women who's waters had gone but contractions hadn't started so she was more of a priority. I was again sent home, but told that if anything changes to call, or they would call when a bed was available. I was really worried now as my risk of infection was gradually getting higher as my waters had broke two days before.. 

Contractions began to become increasingly stronger and closer. Then the phone rang at 7:45pm. The ward had a bed ready for me. Me and Andrew got our selves ready. He helped have a strip wash.. I couldn't bare to take the TENS off. All the bags were ready in the car as we decided to just leave them from the last visit to the hospital. We then set off knowing WE WILL be returning with our little boy. 

We got to the hospital and settled in to our room. Contractions were now 4-5 minutes apart, I started using the gas and air. But I was still only 3cm apart. Andrew gave me a massage which really helped and played the "Baby is on its way" playlist I created on Spotify. Around 11pm my pain was getting stronger so I opted for an epidural. I had it in place within half an hour. For some reason my blood pressure had increased, so I was given medication for this. At 1am the midwife decided to start the IV to induce me. My contractions then came hard. I was feeling them more than I should've. My epidural wasn't working. The anaesthetist came and topped me up but I could still feel more than I should've. I continued with it though as well as the gas and air. The hours went by slowly. I cried when the midwife who was looking after me had to finish her shift. I wanted her to deliver my baby. She was so lovely and made me feel calm. A new midwife came on at 7:30am. I felt frustrated as instead of talking to me she stood writing notes most of the time. At 10:30am I was finally at 10cm dilated, they said I had to wait for an hour now but I felt like pushing. After 15 mins they let me push. I could feel so much pressure down below.. excruciating pain on my back. I cried. I couldn't push anymore. I knew labour was painful but this wasn't right. I went on to all fours and I still couldn't push. I screamed something wasn't right. Andrew was being so patient with me and supporting me.. when the third midwife came and checked me she immediately said that I needed to go in to theatre. The baby's head was in the wrong position. 

Everything then happened so fast. I was in theatre all of a sudden. Having my epidural taken away, which apparently had slipped and that's why it wasn't working and having a spinal block injection whilst having strong contractions using the gas and air.. They then tried using the vacuum suction cup, they were getting me to push but I wasn't able to tell if I was pushing. The last resort came. Cesarian section. I didn't care, I wanted to hear and see my baby. The anaesthetist was absolutely amazing, talking me through everything the surgeons were doing. They then said he was out, and they called Andrew over to cut his cord and hold him. I hear my little boy cry. What a relief. He's here! I then became quite drowsy. My blood pressure went really low. I felt like if I closed my eyes I wasn't going to be able to open them again and see my boy. Andrew came over holding him. Trying to show him off but I was so drowsy... 

Approximately 40 minutes later, my little boy was feeding on me. Andrew was so excited. I was so happy. I was then moved on to a ward. An overload of feelings came over me when my mum, Andrew and his parents left. I felt so much guilt for having a c section, I felt I wasn't womanly enough to push my own child out naturally.. that night went so fast. The nurses kept telling me to sleep but I wasn't able to. This little boy was staring at me. How could I sleep? We just laid there locking eyes. I was having my observations done hourly due to my pulse being so high. A doctor came to see me, who said I needed more IV fluids. I was also becoming quite anxious as my baby hadn't eaten in nearly 12 hours. No one told me he wouldn't be so hungry due to being newborn! I buzzed for some assistance as I couldn't reach over for the baby as I was sore from the surgery and my legs still felt weak. I tried to feed him with no luck. Then a nurse came with a cup and popped it on the table and said "hand express" then left the cubicle. I began to cry, I had no idea how to hand express.. 

The next few days all blur into one. I was still having issues with my pulse being too high. The midwives asked if there was something else going on. Which there was. I had told my mum that I wanted it to be just me and my partner when I was in hospital in labour but she turned up. We told her to wait around until he was born. We then found out she had been calling family members and talking about us, not understanding we wanted this moment to be our moment. We also said to ALL of our family and friends to ring/text if it was ok to visit us so we didn't have everyone round at the same time. She found this hard to understand too and said that she should be able to turn up when she wanted.. my partner is really annoyed with her and is now not talking to her which has caused a lot of upset for me.. 

A day later my pulse had gone down and they were about to discharge me but they then noticed my little Leo had jaundice so he had to go in to the incubator for 24 hours.. I hadn't very little sleep and was still feeling sore. I went a bit stir crazy.. seeing ants on the floor, seeing people that were not there and saying to my partner that the hospital bed was electrocuting me (how embarrassing). After some sleep I was better! 

Finally on Thursday 12th January we was finally discharged home. 

We was so excited to get us home and begin our lives as a 3... 

We are now mainly feeding with formula but with some breastfeeding. Sadly my milk didn't come through like I thought it would and expressing didn't work for me at all. I do have a cry at times as I feel I failed but my boy seems happy so that's all that matters. 

Here are some photos our our beautiful little boy. Leo 💙