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Insensitive comments making me doubt if I was ever pregnant 😔

Raffinee • Wed, Feb 08

In January, we chose to try for baby#3. Last week I tested positive 7 times! I was over the moon. But deep down I felt something wasn't right. My morning sickness which came so early on, suddenly stopped 4 or so days ago. I had all of the typical but they too were strong and just became mild. I last had a BFP on Friday (2/3/17), AFs expected date.

Today 2/7/17, the bleeding began. I should have been just under 5 weeks. I just knew. I eventually went to the ER even though I REALLY didn't want to. But what I didn't expect was them to tell me that no hCG was detected at all. The Dr suspected that implantation just never took place. I was devastated. I've cried until I have no energy to anymore. I feel ashamed, and all the other thoughts one would have. I know it's not my fault or anything I did.

Friends meant well. They saw the tests and were very excited. However today, they suggested perhaps it was just an evap line. Maybe I was just too excited, tried too soon, and it was a False positive. Some said maybe I just wanted it so much my body thought I was pregnant and so I tested positive. I just know that's not true. I felt so stupid sitting in the ER looking like I was basically there complaining about my period. I don't even know what to do other than to let it roll of my back. We decided to wait a few months before TTC. And most definitely won't be announcing it until we find out the gender.

What do you think ladies? I know it doesn't matter anymore, but did I take all my faint BFPs and get too excited? (I included a pic of the first 3 taken a few days apart) Am I being selfish because it was so early and I already have 2 beautiful children when some women have tried so long and still haven't had their first? Not to mention other women's repeat miscarriages or babies that just didn't make it. I can't begin to compare my experience to you ladies who've had a difficult time, and truly do believe I'm better off losing the baby so early as opposed to later.

Backstory: I had obstacles in the past. I had 1 missed miscarriage, it was brutal and extremely painful. That was ten years ago. Since then 2 beautiful boys were born. The first successful pregnancy took me 2 years, he is now 7. My second son is 2, and was conceived almost immediately after my IUD was removed. No cycle, so I didn't even suspect it until I had morning sickness. He even survived an iodine test to look at a fibroid because the standard test beforehand was negative since it was too soon to tell!