Kind of Venting/ Q @ the End

Some of you may have read about my husband and my polyamorous relationship a few days back.

My husband has never been a one woman kind of guy. Weve been together 3 years, married 1 1/2. I love him a lot and can't stand being lied to so I decided he and I could be in a polyamorous relationship so he could be happy and there would be no more lies between us.

He found a girlfriend fairly easily and she's wonderful. She treats him great, respects his and my relationship, and loves our baby girl. She hangs out with both of us, goes on dates with him, and spends girl time with me.

He broke up with her to try and make monogamy work for us which I was overjoyed about. I am not polyamorous even a little bit. But then changed his mind that night and asked her out again.

Then a few days later I decided to try to go on a date/have sex with someone else and he flipped out. Punching walls, breaking things, crying hysterically, refusing to talk to me for 2 days and saying he couldn't even look at me.

He immediately broke up with his girlfriend again and said it was unfair of him to expect me not to do the same things he is doing so he wanted to be monogamous.

That night she got drunk and needed a ride home. I agreed to let him drive her as she has no family or friends out here (were all military) . She gave him "half a blowjob" and tried to convince him to have sex with her but he didn't and actually decided to leave right then mid blowjob so that he could come home. He really didn't want to date her anymore because he didn't want to hurt me.

It's been almost a week. Last night, he told me he wants to open the relationship back up and he's going to go out with her again because he loves her.

What do I do? I can't take all of this back and forth? Am I allowed to date other people? He said I can but I have to take it slowly.. I'm super down about all this...I've never been enough for him since the beginning.

He even spends the night over there once a week and I have to handle our infant alone :/

I like his girlfriend but that doesn't mean I don't want him to be mine and only mine :(