But it's so bad that I don't even want to be around him and I dread the time alone with him. I CANNOT stand him crying. It makes me so upset and spazzed out that I want to vomit. It makes me feel physically ill. I resent him so much I just want to leave my life and go live it somewhere more stress free. I've even started self harming again because of it, which I've had problems with in the past. I've had a lot of problems with anxiety and depression as well. Sometimes I really just want to be dead, though I don't want to actually kill myself.

But even still I love my son SO SO much and I love watching him grow and develop. It's seriously one of the best things ever. But I can rarely enjoy it because I'm so miserable. 

And yes I know to talk to my doctor, I will be and I'll be getting back on my meds. I just really need some support from someone who maybe understands.