Today, i had my 9 month old son checked at a private hospital because his scalp would sometimes be flaky plus he has this raised skin over his left leg that wasn't getting better (returning to a normal skin-like texture). They told me he had to have a KOH TEST and then tomorrow a MANTOUX TEST just in case he has tuberculosis (the doctore found some raised lymph node at the back of his head). I feel sooooo awful!!! And then to top it off, he accidentally crawled over the edge of the bed and fell! I just turned my back for a sec and that happened! I feel so crappy and awful and I feel like I'm not doing anything right!!! I don't even know what to feel with him having a Mantoux test tomorrow! I just want to be the one they would hurt..not my little baby boy! He kept crying a while ago while the med tech scraped off some skin on his left leg (the raised skin part) and I just wanted to cry and beg because it hurt sooo much!!! He has been through so much lately.. Especially when the med tech from before ( a different hospital) couldn't find a blood vessel to take some blood and she inserted the needle 3 times in 3 different places! My little boy kept crying and I knew he was begging me to stop and just hold him and to take him away from these strange people! I don't know where I can get the strength to hold in the fear and not let it get to me.. I just wish it were me.. I would gladly take a thousand Mantoux test to spare him of that one... I would gladly agree to be taken blood from a million times if it meant O can save him from any kind of pain and sickness.. I just wish he didn't have to go through any of this. I just want him at home with me watching his favorite baby shows and playfully hitting me. I just can't... Its breaking my heart a thousand times over...

I added a pic of the raised skin I was talking about..