I feel like I want something different
We've been together for 5 years, I've been with him since I was 13. Now, I'm 18, he's 27. My dad set me up with him, told him that I was 19 at the time, then he (my husband) found out my age about 6 months after my dad set us up... I didn't know my dad told him I was 19, until my husband (boyfriend at the time) wanted to take me to an event that was 18 & over, and I told him I couldn't go because I was 13, he freaked out, but got over it.
I just recently gave birth to our son, and I'm starting to resent him... He doesn't compliment me, and I've talked to him about this before. I've told him how much it bothers me. I've told him why it bothers me. It's been one of our problems since we first started dating. He made me quit my job when we found out I was pregnant again (I've had four miscarriages), and he was supposed to be paying for my bills/expenses, but he doesn't. My mom paid for my OB appointments, maternity clothes, our sons crib, travel system, basically everything I needed while pregnant. She even paid for my hospital bill, after I gave birth + pays for my cellphone bill since my husband wouldn't pay it on time.. 😔 I'm 2wks postpartum, he doesn't want me to go back to work, but he also doesn't want to pay for me. Every single time I tell him I have a bill that needs to be paid, he acts like it's not his problem... I miss being able to spend money on myself. I miss being able to buy me foods that I'm craving. I miss being independent.
I basically have to beg for sex, and it's always me initiating. He closes his eyes during sex sometimes, and it makes me feel so shitty... I catch him checking out women all the time, I just wish he would check out me, tbh... 😔 He always gets hard whenever he sees a naked/hot women on Facebook, or tv shows we watch.. I wish he would get turned on by me, I wish me getting naked would get him hard, I wish he just wanted me more.
I feel ugly, and worthless. I feel like I also deserve better too though. I feel like I at least deserve someone who loves me unconditionally, and compliments me. I've been with him through everything, and I honestly feel like his love for me, isn't the same as my love for him. I think about moving on, and it hurts... but I feel like he won't change until I put him in his place already... 😔 I'm just venting. I can't see my therapist, since I don't have anyone to watch my son.
*My husband was arrested for our relationship when I was 15, due to my teacher reporting it, the police dropped the case because my parents refused to press charges, + told the officers they basically set us up...
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