Dear husband

Honey, let me start off by saying. 'I love you'

Yep, sit right on down and let's have a talk.

The following are a list of things , within the last year... that you have done. Sometimes repeatedly.

No, stop, pay attention and stop looking and my boobs.

No, I don't want to touch your weiner, put it away.

It's not a helicopter, can you pay attention for 15 seconds?

Fine , I'll take my shirt off , if you will sit down.

***cough ****

Where was I?

1. Shaking your penis at me does not make it more enticing. I'm not a bass, and that ain't a lure.

2. Your farts are not entertaining, I get that you think they are.

3. Dammit I said not at the table.

4. At thanksgiving...

5. Sitting next to Nanna.

6. Yes, she thought it was funny too. I know!

7. Please don't trim your pubes while sitting on the toilet . If you really have to, can u brush them into the water?

8. It's a cold, not ebola.

9. I swear, you're not dying.

10. I will have sex with you, but please don't let it slip and hit my butthole ! Mmkay?

11. No, honey, surprise anal... will never be a thing.

12. Yes your dick is great.

13. I don't want to see it right now, in the changing room at TJ maxx.

14. No, we can't name our first kid Bubba.

15. Please? You can have a dog! Name him bubba.

This is a list in progress. Please stay tuned and feel free to comment your own requests to your husband.