I started dating my boyfriend last year in April, a few weeks after I broke up with my first boyfriend who cheated on me with my best friend at the time. At first it was a wonderful thing because he was a gentleman who was very devoted to me and treated me with a lot of care. He called often, he took me out places, he always worried about me, and we had similar personalities which was made us so great. Eventually we left the Honeymoon phase and argued sometimes, normally because I would accidentally hurt his feelings or vice versa, but it was alright because eventually, we patched things up the next day. But I started to feel suffocated by him after a while. Going into the summer time, on average we would talk on the phone for 3 hours at least 3 times a day and if I ever wanted to stop talking, unless I gave him an excuse like cooking or helping my mom, he would guilt me into staying on the phone longer. In the summer he got a job which meant that for at least 5 hours for 5 days a week, I was guaranteed some alone time. And he always wanted to sleep together through the phone. One night something bad had happened with his family so I told him we could stay on the phone for the whole nighy, meaning he and I would go to bed but we wouldn't hang up. We did this a few times and it was a sweet sentiment at first but then he always wanted to and if I didn't, he would get sad and guilt me into anyway. Sometimes I didn't even argue, I just muted myself and continued on about my night. I confronted him about these feelings for smothering and for a while, he backed off and gave me space, but he went back to his old habits soon and always wanted to be on the phone. Since he had a job at a restaurant, he would always come to my house when he was off his shift with food for me and would be sad when I told him I didn't want him to come. Sometimes I would go to my friend's house to sleepover and he would be frustrated because it means I couldn't call him. And if I was on the phone with him and I happened to be talking to someone else like my brother or something, he would get pissed and say "It sounds like you're busy" and try to get off the phone. Sometimes we wouldn't even say anything to each other because we had exhausted every conversation there was to make and the most he would he to make any conversation is say "I love you" until I got so tired of hearing him repeat such a sacred phrase that I tried to talk about something else. The time that really pushed me over the edge with him is one night when I had been out with my mom and my brother and I had come home tired. I feel asleep on the spot at around 9 o'clock with my phome on silent and without calling him. When I woke up, I had a bunch of missed calls, texts and kiks asking where I was and if I was and if I understood how worried he was, and he had even texted my mom asking if we were fine. And when I called him in the morning, he blamed me for worrying him. So again I got onto him about being a clingy mess and that time it worked and we kind of got a schedule going with when and how long it is okay to call. But when the school year started again, the schedule was thrown off and he wanted to talk all the time in the mornings and afternoon even though he was already coming over every morning to walk me to school, hanging out with me at school, and hanging out with me in the afternoon. Eventually I had enough. He had gone back to being clingy and overbearing and all the arguing we did in between made me feel empty. Even when I was accepted to my dream school, he cried and cried and cried instead of being happy for me because it meant we wouldn't go to the same school. And he wasn't happy until I found a community college near it that he could attend. I was trying to be a good girlfriend for him because he'd told me about his previous 6 who treated him badly, but I had given up. So I broke up with him and it was a mess. We did it at school, in the library and he starts crying and shouting "I trusted you, I trusted you" and I told him ever reason I didn't want to be together and he told me he'd fix them and that we could date in secret since my mom didn't want me seeing him anymore but I said no. I didn't want to lose him as a friend though so I told him we could ease out of the relationship by doing less kissing and hugging and hand holding but it didn't work and he sucked me back in with guilt and somewhere in between we started dating in secret and arguing in secret and I was "happy" with him in secret. Eventually I started losing my feelings towards him. He still gave me presents and treated me kindly when we weren't arguing, but I had had such a negative experience with him and all the guilt and sadness and anger that I feel towards him that last weekend, I told him I wasn't in love with him anymore and I no longer felt the same way. He didn't give me the chance to explain myself until I pinned him down and tried rattling off everything that was in my head and it kept coming out wrong making him feel worse. The whole weekend I tried to ease his wounds but it didn't work, and going back to school last week, he tried grabbing my hand and making out with me and groping me like he used to even though I told him I isn't want that. The whole week he kept saying "I love you" and I didnt say it back passionately like I used to. I said it flat because it would be a lie if I said it back. Two days ago he confronted me about why I hadn't been happy saying I love you and told me that he thought he didn't love me anymore he so he had to walk up and the morning and rack his brain trying to think of reasons to still love me an he had none. So, it seems we've finally broken up. I'm finally free. But I feel so empty. Despite all those negatives, we actually did have some good times together and I won't lie, we had sexual experience with each other. When we were first starting out, he had a tendency to kiss me and massage my shoulders which I did mind until he moved his hands down to my breasts and along my thighs. I let him because it felt good and I felt really hurt still recovering from what happened with my first boyfriend. Eventually that led to me giving him handjobs that turned into blowjobs and him fingering and licking me. I know it's wrong be sexually active at my age, and I even told him that when we started dating but I felt so in love with him that I let him do it and eventually started liking it myself. But now I have this lingering feeling of emptiness and sadness. He was my first sexual partner and he meant a lot to me. Now he's gone completely cold to the idea of me. He won't pick up the phone, he won't respond to my texts, and he has my prom ticket which I keep asking if I need to buy from him. I know I'll see him soon because he left his economics textbook at my house and he needs to get it from me to do his spring break homework but I don't know what I'll do or say when I see him again. I don't know if this empty feeling will go away. I don't know if I'll find someome who I'll fall in love with again like I did with him. I don't even know why I'm posting this story. I guess I just want to get I off my chest.