am I really happy ?

Sometimes I can't even tell. Some days things can be so perfect . Then the other days it can go bad . Ion know if this is what love is , like love is unexplainable... to where I'm confused or I don't know what 🤦🏽‍♀️ it's always something that bothers me in my relationship or hurts me or makes me smile idk 😐 I've been lied to cheated on and I don't have that much trust but ain't the same time I'm stuck because it's like do I wanna really wanna start over with someone I don't know or continue to try to forgive and forget and rebuild and moved forward ? But at the same time it's his acting that show me different from what he tells me 😟 ughhh Idk what god tryna tell me 😔