Time to Quit?

Hey Lovelies,

I'm around ovulation of cycle 6 TTC right now, early miscarriage back in January. Was super nervous to get iud out in November, as I'd never really planned to have kids before meeting my husband (married 1 year now) and was still trying to wrap my head around it all. When I got the bfp in Jan, I was surprised how calm and excited I got so quickly. Then lost it, womp womp. I was really upset, and I really wanted to get pregnant again. Now 2.5 cycles since my miscarriage, I'm feeling very ambivalent again about everything. I should O today and we got busy last night, but I almost regret it. I recently have started soul searching on a lot of fronts because I'm to the point where I don't really recognize myself anymore. Im wondering if ttc is a huge mistake for me. Maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom. Or maybe I need to deal with some internal conflicts before I take that leap. I almost feel like the last two cycles have been more about getting pregnant in itself than about having a baby, if that makes sense. Bfns started to feel like failure on my part, when I know it's just luck.

I guess this post is two-pronged: I'm feeling like backing out due to ambivalence, anyone been there? And secondly, does anyone feel like they've ever forgotten that, oh yeah, pregnancy is about creating a life and not just being a special pregnant princess that everyone fawns over? (PLEASE do not misread this, I'm making fun of myself here for forgetting about the baby part of being pregnant!) I think this stems partly from watching a pg friend go through the transition of being the center of attention to being an accessory of the baby. She had still not completely adjusted to that reality.

(I may have just outdone myself last month when I got my bfn and sat down to make a list of all the reasons the bfn was a good thing to cheer myself up, LOL.)