breaks ups and virginity

I lost my virginity to my ex a few month ago because I thought he loved me, but it turns out I was so wrong and I can't stop thinking that this awful human took my virginity. The break up was hard on me, I'm over him now but the words he said to me keep me up at night. He told me I was depressing to be around and that it was mentally torturing to be with me, and that he didn't love me for a long time. And I can't stop thinking about those words. The two things that are keeping me from fully moving on from this person (I'm over him as a person though) is the fact that he took my virginity and those awful words he said to me. I was not depressed but everyone goes through periods where they're just down, and he told me if I was depressed to go get on pill because he couldn't help me anymore. I never asked for his help. I was not dependent on him. It's been like two month since we broke up and I don't want to annoy my friends. It's just so hard for me and I keep getting panic attacks because it feels like these thoughts are always in my head. Thank you for taking the time to read this if anyone did, can you offer me some advice, thanks!  Ps: sorry for a bunch of random thoughts