No need to read , just need to vent

A letter to my late first love,

I think about you a lot. When people ask me what does love feel like or how do you know you're in love? I answer I don't know because I didn't realize until you passed. I can't explain what it feels like, you know. We probably wouldn't have been allowed to date because of the age difference. I was 15 (16 in september ) and you were 19 (20 in June). It was wrong but it felt so right and we both agreed on that. You kept saying "I'm illegal to you" and i kept saying I don't care. I'm sorry that I didn't follow my promise to not cry, but I miss you so much. The 3 weeks of knowing you were the best in my life. I have regrets like to the fact that i listened to my mom to not go to the hospital to visit you. Or just maybe just sneak out. You were waiting for a new heart and you didn't get it in time and I'm sorry about that. We were supposed to meet for the first time of that friday.

I miss you. I love you. I know you are better where you are but is it selfish of me to want to have you back? I miss you laughing at my stupid jokes or subjects ( i have new ones too , they are pretty good).

I tired to find where you lay but I cant .. that hurts