when will I be considered a mother?

Question

As many of you know Mother's Day is approaching. (May 14 to be exact) I'm currently almost 17 weeks pregnant. I feel as I'm a mother now. I mentioned something in the store about being a mother now and how excited I am for it. And my boyfriend immediately said how I'm not a mother so why would be so anything special for me. I'm am very hurt by this but I let it go because I didn't want to fight. Tonight we are in the truck and it was skmehow brought up again and he told me again I wasn't a mother. I feel like I would be considered a mother but I guess not. My heart is just really hurt right now. Sorry for the rant.

Answer

In my opinion I think when you get pregnant your considered to be a mother because your going through the process of developing and making a human being even if your baby isn't due for several weeks or even months.

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I'm a big fan of actually talking about these differing opinions. Whenever I respond to people on here seeking relationship advice, I feel like a broken record...but seriously, just talk. You're in a committed relationship. You're having a child together. Talking about what's weighing on your mind should be a non-issue. And I mean talk to understand one another, not to convince him to your side. Ask him why he feels like it doesn't count yet. Ask when it will count to him. Explain how you feel and why. Men and women obviously experience pregnancy from very different perspectives and frankly, people suck at seeing others views sometimes unless really spelled out for them. He probably wasn't even trying to be offensive, but he should know how you feel/felt, and you should be comfortable sharing that without fear of it turning into an argument.

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I lost my first child at 17 weeks pregnant. By your boyfriend's definition I am not that child's mother. 
We are mother's from the moment we know about our children. We change our whole lives to keep them safe, make sure they are nourished and well cared for. This makes us mothers. I think dad's have a hard time because nothing changes for them until the baby is born, so that's when they "really become a dad". But for us, everything changed the minute that second line appeared.
I am a mother of two, one in heaven and one growing inside me now who hopefully I will get to bring home.

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You're boyfriend is just being an egg. You are a mother now, you've got you're baby growing inside you, if he doesn't understand that make sure he understands that he doesn't get a Father's Day, and you do you.
I'm 18 weeks today and my partner and I are both thrilled to be celebrating our first Mothers and Fathers day this year, to the point where it was his idea to do something. Not to mention Father's Day is also my 21st and little bub will be due a couple weeks after that so we'd like to do anleast a little something ☺

Answer

I am conflicted here too. I definitely feel like you're a mother when you're pregnant because you're already taking care of your baby. However, I was pregnant the first time (twins) and I did not celebrate Mother's Day and I'm glad. My mom thought it was not a good idea to pre-maturely celebrate before they got here. (She has dealt with loss) So I took her advice and I enjoyed Mother's Day with her and the next year I got to celebrate my first Mother's Day with my babies which was awesome! I think your boyfriend is not being sensitive to your feelings, and that can be hurtful especially when you're pregnant. You should talk to him, not about changing his mind but about your communication with each other. 
I personally wouldn't celebrate Mother's Day without my baby having been born just like I wouldn't celebrate their birthday after a loss. (This would be different if the baby was born and had a birthday.) Ultimately the choice is yours, but you may have to celebrate a little differently given he (your boyfriend) is not going to celebrate you yet. Whatever you decide I would be looking forward to next year when your little one is in your arms on Mother's Day, there's nothing better. 
Good luck!

Answer

I think this is something that is up to each woman. I was pregnant with my first on Mother's Day but I didn't celebrate it because I personally didn't feel like a mother until after I gave birth. That's just how I felt about it though. If you feel like you are a mother already, then that feeling is completely valid and your boyfriend should respect that.

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You ARE a mother. Next time remind him you're carrying HIS baby so if you aren't a mom, he really isn't a dad

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I was probably 17-25 weeks when it was Mother's Day in the UK. We celebrated it. Same for my partner when it was Father's Day.
I think you're a parent as soon as you're having a child. Just because they're stuck inside you for a while doesn't mean they aren't there and that you aren't their parent.
It's like saying you aren't a mother because your baby has been taken to NICU and you haven't met them yet. You're a mother when you have your baby, regardless of if they're still inside you or not!

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18 weeks here with my first! I definitely feel like we are mothers. Literally almost every decision I make now is based on my baby (what I eat, what I wear, how I sleep, how I exercise, declining alcohol, lowering my stressors, etc). I think men don't really get it because they don't have the constant responsibility of a human being yet. Their bodies aren't producing an amazing miracle. To them, fatherhood starts when they can hold the baby. That being said, I haven't mentioned Mother's Day. My husband is a very romantic man, so I'm really hoping he dies something. Literally even a card will make me cry. Even if he just says "Happy Mothers Day" I'm going to be over the moon. Yet being that pregnancy starts motherhood for us, but most men don't think of themselves as a father yet, I'm not expecting anything. Worst case I'll take a bath, make my favorite dinner, and paint my nails.

Answer

You are a mother. But I would take it easy on him men don't get it as much as the women do bc they don't actually grow the child. That sense of attachment for mean doesn't usually occur till you give birth. I was around the same as you when I was pregnant with my son and Mother's Day rolled around I kinda felt like I deserved something and my husband at the time didn't. Now looking back I feel like I looked silly bc it mean so much more celebrating Mother's Day the next year with my son. 🙂

when will I be considered a mother?

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