Today was a rough day.....
So, my husband is away at a church conference tonight and I'm sitting on the couch watching Bridget Jones's Baby and it's at a part in the movie where she's like 7 months pregnant and it shows the baby on the sonogram monitor and I just burst into tears. Pathetic, I know. Here's the thing, I KNOW I'm only 26. I KNOW I'm still young. I KNOW I "have time". But, and pardon my French, I am fucking TERRIFIED. I am scared out of my wits. I am fearful that, after very nearly four years of marriage, one year engaged, and four years of dating, countless times in the last 6 years that we HAVEN'T used any protection, and I've YET to get pregnant. No I don't eat healthy, yes I am overweight and I get stressed out, but fucking hell, don't we all?! I can't help but wallow in my own anguish and jealousy at all you moms to be. DO NOT TAKE THAT BABY FOR GRANTED. Cherish your little bundle all the more, knowing that in less than a year, you'll get to meet him or her. You just don't know how truly lucky you are.....I just can't help but question my fertility and that of my husband's. I've been to see a doctor. She didn't say one way or another whether or not I was infertile, they didn't even examine me. She just started me on prenatal vitamins to get my folic acid up and that was very nearly 6 months ago. I just.....I'm beside myself. I want to have a baby SO BAD. It's all I've seemed to want here lately.....most of my friends have two or three now and everyone keeps asking when I'm going to have one....I guess I just need some type of insight or guidance on how to navigate how I'm feeling. I don't know.....hubby still won't really even entertain the idea of PLANNING a pregnancy. He says if it happens, great. If not, that's fine too. He says God has a plan and that it'll happen when, and if, HE wants it to. But what if it takes more than just waiting on God for us? I'm just heartbroken over a tiny little person that may or may not ever even exist. 💔
Comment
Add Comment
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.
