Am I awful..??

Question

I'm letting my baby cry in her crib. I went outside, took the monitor. And am going to wait at least 5 or 10 minutes before going back. She's not hungry, she just won't go to sleep and I'm trying to wean her off needing to be rocked and held to sleep at least at night. I feel so guilty like I'm just ignoring her but idk what else to do. If I rub her head or pat her back she doesn't seem phased or it just wakes her up so I feel like I can't do that. Someone tell me I'm not horrible :( i think she just cries to let off her energy and because she fights sleep like crazy. Sometimes picking her up even makes it worse or wakes her up more. She's just screaming idk what I can do if she's not hungry. I know I never used to agree with CIO but now I can see how it may be the only method that works... how long is too long to let her go?

Answer

I did this with my son and it does feel awful, but it gets so much better after a couple of days. I checked on him after 2 min, then 3 then 4 ext ext. I would try not to pick him up, but sometimes he needed it. I didn't sit and rock though just held him standing and until he calmed down and then I laid him back down. Usually he started crying again, but I would wait another set of minutes before going back in. A couple nights where he was extra fussy I did end up rocking him to sleep, but it all worked out in the end. Generally he sleeps from 8 to 6 now without me at all.

Answer

You're not horrible! I don't agree with the CIO  method either, but have had to use it a couple times. There comes a point where you've met all their needs and you now need to take care of yours. Whether it's 5 mins to yourself, or 20 mins a nap you need to be able to care for them. How long is too long? It depends on the age and how they are crying. Before 6 months, depending on the child, they don't have an established self soothing method. If left to cry they can just keep crying until they are simply too tired. Depending how your baby is crying is a factor too. Crying that becomes a panic needs to be answered. Crying that's more of a wimper that fades in and out can be left longer. It's so hard though. As mother you'll know what that cry means and if it's urgent. Because baby can't calm themselves back down it's often better to respond sooner than latter when their cry is more frantic. Otherwise you spend twice as long calming then down and feel horrible when they sob. You'll figure it out. But meanwhile don't feel horrible. I don't know if the CIO  method alone works, I think a bit of it paired with other sleep training methods works best. But if you need to step away for up to 10 or 20 mins and they aren't frantic that, I think is ok. Our son is 6.5mo now, and we've had real struggles with sleep. Barely got more than 4 hours straight a day myself. He's doing much better these last two weeks, but he's old enough I told his dad to leave him for 10 mins when he starts to cry in bed. Give him the chance to show us he can fall back to sleep on his own. And it was hard for his dad to accept, but he did it and since he's been good about falling back to sleep on his own.

Am I awful..??

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