Need advice

So I have four children from a previous marriage and currently 14 weeks pregnant with my current husband. For the most part, all relationships between my kids and their stepdad have been great. He stepped in and is a dad to them that they deserve. (Their dad is an abusive ass with bipolar and pretty much abandoned them) Lately however, my oldest, who is 19, and my husband have been at war with each other. My son got into some trouble while away for college and my husband and I helped him out (nothing felony wise just broke a college rule and was suspended for a few weeks). This was around Christmas time. Upon arriving home, my husband and I went to go over some rules that he needed to follow since we were upset with the fact that he stole my credit card information and was using it while still in Florida. He basically wasn't allowed friends over or go out and was basically only allowed to work to repay the money. My son flipped and started yelling at my husband. My crying because this was not the child I raised and basically saw only my ex husband in my son. My son kept getting into my husbands face while my husband kept egging it on. Now here's where everyone has a different story. I don't remember seeing my son push my husband like he says. Again I was so emotional I kept closing my eyes thinking I would wake up from a dream. All I remember was my son in his face one moment and then my husband throwing my son on the bed and bear hugging him to prevent him from hurting him or me. Needless to say that after that night my son is not allowed to return to the house. Now we are at the end of May and neither one refuses to start the process of moving forward. I'm 14 weeks with a child who can't come home and another child in and out of the hospital due to complications from her Chiari and Pseudotumor. I'm stuck in the middle. I have all this pressure and anxiety and when I tell them both this they blame the other person. I've been to the hospital once already due to all the anxiety getting to me. I love my husband. I love my son. But I refuse to lose this baby girl or my sanity to this. And I feel neither one cares what it's doing to me. It has taken such a mental toll on me that I've started to think of just walking away from it all. But I refuse to walk away from my kids and I don't want to divorce my husband. Maybe I just need advice from someone not directly involved. I feel both are in the wrong and both need to grow up and be adults. My husband knows my kids come before anyone else and knows if I have to choose it'll be my kids. My husband has still done stuff for my son since the incident, like pay for plane tickets, food, and hotel rooms til he finds a place. But this is all money that shouldn't be wasted on this incident. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Hopefully I explained it easily. It's a hot mess.