I Feel Let Down 😩

This is my current babies state. I went in for an induction at my 41 weeks. I gained a total of 60 lbs during the entire pregnancy .They gave me cervadil to soften my cervix since I was not dilated at all on this Monday night that just passed. On Tuesday morning at 9 am I was measuring 3 cm and so my doctor decided to pop my bag and start me on pitocin. She told the nurses that the amniotic fluid was clear. My doctor then left and when I got up they noticed the fluid was not clear but rather that my son had already made his first bowel movement. I was a bit concerned and asked them if this is something that needs to be looked at closely. They said that this happens often after 40 weeks of birth. And so I continued the day with continued pains since the pitocin started to kick in. Due to it being my first pregnancy I wanted to try to go natural. I asked for pain medicine up until I was 5 cm and decided to get the epidural. Throughout the day I was throwing up and Around 10:00 that night I was fully dilated and was told to contact them when I felt major pressure down below and I would be ready to push. I felt that pressure then and called the nurse. The nurse felt his head coming down and called the doctor. The doctor then said that we would try natural birth but that the heart rate was becoming an issue due to it increasing . After about 15 pushes he was almost out but she decided to get me a csection because she noticed his heart rate had elevated and he was not moving down . They gave me a medicine to take down before the csection and I threw that up. Doctor asked how often I was throwing up and I said ever since early that morning. She then said it could be a bowel infection. When they put me in the or they noticed that he was stuck. I was in so much pain as they attempted to remove him during the c section at one point I heard the ob call for another doctor to come stat. I felt pulling and suctioning and even a third person in my vaginal area attempting to push while they pulled. I was screaming in pain and next thing I notice I was knocked out. I woke up to my spouse not being next to me and the doctors seeing me back up. I asked them how my baby was doing they said he was fine. My spouse said I had lost a total of 1500 ml of. Blood. Later that night I realized he had been taken to the Nicu and wAs being treated for loss of oxygen. They said that during that whole ordeal I guess they put so much force it caused him to loose oxygen and after minutes of trying to bring him back they end up putting him on a breathing ventilator. I feel like this all could have been prevented and I am demanding what exactly happened in the or. This is my first pregnancy and I don't see how a perfectly healthy boy went from a 100 to 10% in less then a few hours. They said he was measuring bigger then expected and I don't see how this is if I went to specialized ultrasound professionals every week . I am mad and do not want to stop any procedures that may come towards him. They told me that several main organs got hit and they are worried of the brain damage that could have happened. I just feel like at the moment they popped my bag and realized that he had already made a po it could have been prevented. And now we are at life or death situation. I am so sad to see him like this. He was born at 11:48 pm on march 30 and weighed 8lbs 12 oz and they are saying he is not progressing and that he now has cardiac issues and the only thing supplying the body blood is the hole in the right atrium that leads the left side. They are giving him medication to keep that hole open and he also has a tube in one of his lungs. They put a catheter in and he is not peeing as he should. They say he is not reacting to light and I am just scared of what is to come. And say I do not want to stop until his last heart beat . I just have to much faith but I am mad. I just feel like all of this could have been prevented.