Does it ever get easier?


Rant... Sorry in advance.. just emotional.

I never thought that getting pregnant would be the hardest thing to do in my life... Especially when it's all I want, all I want is for a little healthy baby that is MINE... I have stopped using this app for about a month or so, thinking maybe I just needed some time to clear my mind & not have baby on my mind... But that's all I think about, I see a woman who is happily pregnant in town then it seems like that's all I see, or I see a mom at the store with her kid or kids... But really what have I ever done to feel like I'm being punished & not getting what I want. Call me selfish or whatever, but that is exactly how I feel.. honestly I have came from a family where money was always tight living paycheck to paycheck & right now in my life I'm living in a nice little apartment big enough to live comfortably no it's not a big huge mansion I can call my own but I call it home... I have a job where I am able to be home, & a step daughter that is starting school here this fall. I am living fairly decent for not having a ton of money in my pocket.. I have done anything I can afford to try to have a baby, I have prayed & I got a puppy thinking that would keep my mind off of babies. I have went to the doctors to find out if something is up to why I'm not having any kids, with endometriosis being something I am worried about I wanted doctors opinions. I never get my period normally & then when I do I end up so excited this might finally be it.. I'm on the right track for the baby on board train.. nope.. not my turn yet.. I have completely cut alcohol & any harmful thing out of my life.. stress is a difficult one to get out because I am a worry wart, I stress about everything...

All in all, WHEN IS IT MY TURN?

When is it any of the other women patiently & impatiently waiting for their turn to have a baby?

What am I doing that is so wrong for me to not have what I want? The only thing I want/need in my life to make it complete....

When does it get easier?