marriage is hard
I'd like some advice, long story short. My husband and I got married in 2013, I cheated and went back to my ex. I've realized over the years I never "fell in love" with my husband like I did with my first love. I kept going back & my husband has always taken me back & forgave me. He's not so innocent here though, he didn't cheat physically like I did but he's always went "back" to this female that he's known for years. Granted they've never met in person, but they talk whenever we are having issues, whenever things are rocky with us, he goes back talking to her. Here we are 4 years later(tomorrow is our anniversary) with a daughter. He is deployed. He is still talking to her, granted last year I left! I packed my shit and I moved 8 states away, I wanted to start over and felt like I deserved it, but most importantly he deserved to have someone truly love him. So I left for 4 months and ended up coming back to be "roommates" he said he would rather give me the money he paid for childcare so that I could eventually move out on my own. So I agreed and moved back with him. I found nudes on his computer of a different girl I had no idea about. I asked him about it without getting angry bc obviously I left him.. I just wanted him to tell me the truth. Like why hide anything? We weren't together.. anyways. We agreed that when he got back we would start a new slate if things worked out. We would both forget about anyone else in our past and focus on our future. Here we are 3 1/2 months in his deployment and I'm a nervous wreck, I haven't been sleeping well since I've found out he's been talking to her like everyday! I ask him to send me screenshots of where he tells her goodnight.. so I can reassure myself that he isn't telling her the same thing as he does me. I found out bc I looked on the phone bill.. a part of me wants to block him.. get a prepaid phone and move on completely. I'm scared. I know I've done him wrong in the past but when I saw that she and him were texting the blood in my veins came out where if she was anywhere near where I live I would have cut her! Haha. I seriously now know how much I love this man.. but is it REALLY worth waiting for and working on with all this "baggage" help from someone with experience!!!! I've only had two serious relationships & we got married 6 months after dating because of the Military.... I'm 26 & hes 24.
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