So... when I was four it all first started. A man my aunt had been with touched me and made me do the same to him. I can remember it like it was yesterday and I hate that. When I was nine, my dad's girlfriend's son who was a year younger than me used to climb on me in my sleep and try to do stuff with me. And then at fifteen, my own cousin who is two years younger than me tried penetrating me in my sleep. All of it was awful and I hate thinking about it. It all brings out my depression. And then not too long ago, while twenty, there was a guy I liked and he knew I was working things out possibly with my ex. He knew that I didn't want any form of sexual relationship but he knew I had feelings for him and he made me feel special. Like I meant something. He came over twice and the second night, while I was asleep, he was touching me. I had drank a few drinks before he came over and so I halfway woke up but didn't realize what was going on and dozed back off. I don't know how to feel about a lot of it at this point... but it makes me hate myself.