so i was 15 and i ended up meetin this guy ,(its really hard to even just think of his name) bobby who was 17 or 18 at the time . my parents did not know bout him .

he pressured me into a relationship but at the time i didnt think he was . so like 2 months and were 'dating' . in that two months so much happened , hed hit me , throw wrenchs and crowbars at me , slammed my head into his friends truck door , busted my lip a few times , tied me up and made me watch him with his friends doin stuff to other gals, constantly threaten me , tellin me i was too fat and ugly for anyone else to love. i was young and believed it and fell into deep depression i tried drinkin bleach a few times and id use a razor blade and would try to take tue pain away by cuttin my thighs up. id sit there and watch myself bleed and the feel the sting of the fresh wound . i became addicted to that 'pain' . it was the night of my aunt and uncles wedding (i was really close with them and was there all the time cause my pawpaw was sick and id help with their 3 kids.) bobby talked me into letting him stay and hang out he made me go to the basement with him tied my hands up said if i make any sound " ill kill you right here right now got it?" he placed one hand on my mouth , took my pants off and placed the other hand on my throat and thats when he (ass) raped me ... after it was finaly over he looked in to my eyes and whispered "tell anyone bout this ill kill your entire family and you."

... well my parents came to the reception and figured it all out (the whole hidin a bf thang) and my dad was PISSED . I understood why . It made a huge scene. my dad told me i was leavin and to say goodbye well my other uncle , james, he calmed my dad down and i was on the verge of tears . i went outside and my dad asked "do you want to be with him ?" well bobby was standon right there so i looked right into my dads eyes and lied straight to his face and said "yes i want to be with him." while holdin back tears .

to this day my aunt and uncle wont talk to us . they think i lied bout it .

finaly after one more time seein his face he dissapeared . a little while later i had reached out to an old boyfriend of mine, travis, who was a really good friend and we reconciled. we started hangin out and i dont know why or how it happened but i told him . i suffered from PTSD and anxiety and fear of seein him anywhere as well as severe body image issues . well i turned 16 started at a new school and slowly thangs were turnin round for me . Travis helped me . there were a few times id be hangin out with him and a snow storm would hit and id stay at his dads house. he would tell me hed wake up to the sound of me gaspin for air and cryin . other times id wake myself up from a nightmare. by the time i was 17 i rarely had any nightterrors or PTSD attacks . we lost our virginity to eachother and that was tough . really tough . to be touched in such a sincere way after bein beatin it didnt make sense to me . well he healed me somehow someway . he did .

he felt the need to tell his dad after i spotted bobby in town near my house . well his dad said i needed to tell my parents cause ed(his dad) didnt really believe it . well my mom and dad was told ... they showed up to eds house and my parents didnt believe me either until i told them the whole story ... the whole entire thang ... the look on my dads face and the tears rollin down my moms face , broke me. my dad was pissed at the fact that i lied to him that night it happened and that i didnt just tell him .

well in november of 2014 i found out i was pregnant. i was only 17 ... and my dad was furious and rarely talked to me . he ws worried id drop out or fail high school . i gratuated in may of 2015 in culinary arts at my techincal school . and in August 2015 my beautiful daughter was born . then in october of 2016 i married Travis .

even though he helped me though this ... its still hard sometimes . sometimes i cant stop thinkin bout it . sometimes i want to feel that sting but im 4 years clean of cutting .

the thought of any of it ruins sleepin in fear of seein that contorted face of his in my dreams well terrors ...