I don't know how to handle the way I've been feeling sense my daughter was born. She's 9 months. I've always been really skinny and fit and active. I've always felt sexy and confident. But after being pregnant and going from 135 lbs to 200 lbs, it just depresses me so much. I can't look at myself and I hate my body. The stretch marks, the fat, the cellulite, everything. For months I've been trying to lose the weight, running, working out, healthy eating.. But after 4 months of breast feeding I was having trouble with stress and lost my supply so that depressed me and I picked up smoking cigarettes. I don't know what to do. I don't understand why it's so hard to move or get out of bed. I just feel so heavy... Like something is dragging me down. I'm not looking for sympathy or "poor you", I'm just venting because I don't have anyone to talk to about it. No one understands. I HATE when people say " no way you didn't gain that much you aren't that heavy" like okay well I am that heavy and I feel like shit lol