family BBQs are the worst

Sadie
2 weeks ago I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks 6. Baby had no heart beat and had stopped growing at 9 weeks 1.
Today we had my husbands dreaded family BBQ and I just feel broken. Having to sit and watch every other couple with their children or grandchildren. Watching first steps and temper tantrums and feeling so much pain. Having to sit and hear at length about how lucky I am to not have kids to deal with, to not have to deal with pregnancy horrors and How smart we are to not have children yet.
Having to deal with the elderlys well meaning comments. 'it will be you two next!' 'David loves children, he's always wanted them' 'do you want children, or do you love your job too much?'
I know they don't know what we've suffered and they didn't know I was pregnant, but I just ache and there's no real way to describe it. Even my husband is struggling to grasp why I'm still this troubled.
Today has sent me back 10 steps, and I just feel so very alone xx