This whole process has just left me in a place of confusion, sorrow, and fear. This was my first pregnancy, and all i can think about is how much my life has changed and how humbled I am to have even experience nurturing in that way. However, I am terrified of every enduring this type of hurt again. How am I supposed to just try to get pregnant again, just like that, knowing that there is a chance that this can happen again. Having control over so much in life, and then to have something happen to you that you have no control over is probably the worst hurt that I have ever felt... ever. 

I'm just trying to get through this day by day, and with time i know it will soon become easier, but right now, especially with all of this bleeding, i feel like someone is constantly pouring alcohol into this open wind of mines.