I hate myself

I hate myself me and my boyfriend of 4 years we're messing around he was tickling my feet and holding me down so I couldn't kick out, he knows I hate this! I had my phone in my hand and as a reflex threw my phone but my throw was super hard it smacked my boyfriend at the top of his nose and cut his so it was pissing out with blood, I absolutely hate myself and now he's walked out on me he won't listen to my apology and I'm sat bawling my eyes out because I can't lose him he's my world. What do I do? Sorry it's so long needed to vent and I have no one to talk to. Thanks in advance xx